One out of nine
by silverbirch
Summary: Everyone knows how Voldemort was defeated - or thinks they do. Let Crookshanks tell you the real story of how he overcame a dark wizard, with a little help from some humans, and still had time for romance. JK Rowling obviously owns it.
1. Chapter 1

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…"

I remember my servant saying that to a book, once. She used to talk to books a lot when we were both younger, but now she only does it when she's getting the kittens ready to go to sleep. I've never quite worked out why the book has to be included, but she seems to like telling it the story as well.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…"

That's very true, it was and my servant and I were right in the middle of it all, she possibly more than I, though I had my moments.

Purrhaps I should explain at this stage that I have I have a strange relationship with my current servant. To begin with she thinks that she is my owner. She may well be the cleverest witch of her generation, but she knows little about cats.

I call her Fluffy, because the fur on her head is…fluffy. I'm afraid I can't pronounce her real name; the closest I can get is Her-meow-meow. When I first met her she was being courted by two toms, although she has now settled on just one of them. His name is Honestlyronald, but she sometimes shortens it to Ohron.

I will admit Honestlyronald and I do not get on that well, though it is better than in the early days when he used to try to attack me on a regular basis. That's why I still like leaving dead animals in his shoes. Memory like an elephant? Huh! Try upsetting a cat.

Fluffy still sees the other tom, his name is Hairy, and they all seem to get along well. Hairy always hugs her when they meet, even in front of Honestlyronald. If anyone tried that with my molly I'd rip his throat out.

My name, incidentally, is Gorgeous; although humans appear to think it funny to call me Crookshanks. Yes, hilarious. Please feel free to pick on my deformity; I have no feelings. Is it my fault that my mother was killed before I was fully weaned? Not enough calcium, you see. The witch who raised me tried her best, but didn't know much about kittens and their needs.

Of my youth I intend to say little. I am aware that you humans are avaricious thrill seekers and always turn to the salacious pages of the newspapurrs first, rather than bothering with the economic and political news that may actually affect your lives.

So I won't tell you of my early life; snuggled up with Mother and a belly full of milk, of my sense of regret tinged with betrayal when she took on an eighteen wheeled articulated lorry single pawed and lost, or my decision to leave home when my servant decided cream wasn't good for me and I should become a vegetarian.

I'll just get straight to the "interesting" bit, shall I?

Having left home I soon discovered that the life of a wild rover was not for me. Sleeping under the stars was not the liberating expurrience I expected it to be. It was just cold and wet. To be purrfectly honest I also prefer food that doesn't fight back and comes ready cut up in a dish - as long as it was once an animal rather than something that grew in mud.

So unlike Tommy, who took his servant Dick Whittington along with him, I made my way to London Town to seek my fortune alone .

London isn't a Town, and the streets are most certainly not paved with gold. It is a large city full of cars and lorries that seemed intent on consigning me to the same fate as my poor mother. I needed shelter, so made my way to the Magical Menagerie in Diagon Alley. I had no idea what it was at the time, simply that it was a place where magical beasts could find new servants.

There I waited for several years. I find this part hard to explain, even to myself, but I was waiting for _something_. I didn't know what it was, but in my very core I knew that I had to wait in this Menagerie until my true servant arrived to take me to the place where I could fulfil my _destiny_. I felt almost prophetic as I watched queues of applicants enter and offer to become my servant.

I rejected them all.

Some were so insistent I let them work for me that I had to resort to violence. Humans find it very hard to take a hint, but a few claws in their scalp soon enlightened them that their careers lay in another direction.

Then Fluffy walked into the Menagerie with her two toms - and HIM. I knew at once this was it. She would become my new servant whether she wanted to or not. I would even lower myself to be nice to her, if I had to. As shaming as it is to admit, I needed her. I needed her to get to HIM.

What was it that convinced me my moment had come?

Some may call it a "sixth sense", others "divine inspiration". I prefer "genius".

I had met several animagi during my stay in the shop; they are more common than you may think. It is not unusual for a witch or wizard, battered by the storms of life and cast upon the rocks of despair, to make one last final transformation and forever leave the human world. Well, not completely. They, too, make their way to the Menagerie and await a servant to care for them during their remaining time on Earth.

But this one, he was a "wrong 'un" if ever I'd met one. I knew it the moment I caught his scent. He hadn't transformed to leave the travails of life behind. He was hiding, and he was hiding because he was very scared about something. And guilty.

As soon as I looked into those ratty little eyes I knew it. Scared and guilty. I knew his servant, Honestlyronald, was probably not going to be interested in working for me and I doubted the other tom would be any better. I don't like scrawny servants; if they can't feed themselves what chance do I stand?

Fluffy, she was a different plate of fish. There was something almost regal about her; the way she held herself, the way she spoke. I like a bit of class, and she had it, but I needed to get through to her and that meant getting her on her own.

So I pretended to attack Honestlyronald, and took a swipe at his animagus rat it the process. It shot off like a…well, a rat up a drainpipe and both the toms went after him. Purrfect.

I turned back to Fluffy and gave her my very best, kept only for special occasions, "Please love me" expression. I followed it up with a tiny pathetic little meow and started to rub my head against her leg. Guaranteed winner.

She knelt down. 'Hello' she said, in a little girly voice. 'What's your name? You're a cutie, aren't you? Do you want to be my friend?'

See, pushover.


	2. Chapter 2

_AN: I must take the time to thank Euclidian for reviewing my work and filtering out my silly spelling mistakes._

* * *

'So what's your name?' she asked.

'Gorgeous' I replied.

'We call him Crookshanks' said the owner, 'because he's got wonky legs.'

They both laughed. Pardon me for not joining in.

'Crookshanks! Oh, what a cute name' cooed Fluffy. 'How much is he?'

'Well, he's a very special cat; so how about thirty galleons?'

Fluffy's face fell. That was not good. I jumped up onto the counter and gave those stupid rats my own special greeting. They, being "thespians", starting rolling around and choking in a most outrageous manner.

'But I'll let you have him for twenty.'

I climbed up on the cage and opened the door, swinging my paw inside.

'Ten?'

I actually managed to get hold of one of the stupid little beasts and was aiming it at my mouth when it was snatched away from me.

'If you promise not to bring it back I'll let you have it, and throw in a cage as well.'

I jumped up into Fluffy's arms and gave her a little lick under the chin. She tickled me behind the ear. I hate that but needs must so I went all floppy in her arms and started purring.

Job done.

We left the shop and she soon caught up with the toms. Honestlyronald did not appear impressed.

'You bought that monster?' he asked.

He was obviously talking about the cage and I'll admit I was wondering about that myself. Why did she need something so big? She must be planning to put something in it, but that was of no concern to me. I was ready for a spot of lunch, and maybe a snooze.

We made our way along Diagon Alley, and entered The Leaky Cauldron. I'd heard of this place. Every cat is told by its mother that "The Leaky" is a den of vice and iniquity. The day was getting better and better! Maybe I wouldn't be snoozing alone.

I was introduced to a lot of other people, only one of whom need concern you; the molly herself, who was called Molly - as is only right and propurr. Now, we know you don't put all your mice in one litter tray, so I decided to be nice to her as well. A little networking never comes amiss.

I was starting to feel quite at home amongst these humans, as they all had ginger fur on their heads, but it was soon time to leave and my servant carried me upstairs to my room. There I was introduced to a female ginger fur who was obviously another of molly Molly's kittens.

'What's its name?' asked the kitten, who was called Ginny.

'Gorgeous' I said.

'Crookshanks' said Fluffy. They both giggled.

Yes, it was embarrassing. They spent an inordinate amount of time cooing over me, and talking in rather squeaky voices. Then Fluffy picked up a brush and started to comb my fur.

Time to set a few ground rules.

I didn't give the whole five claws, just enough to make her drop the brush which I picked up with my teeth and threw on the floor. Then I gave her a quick meow to show there were no hard feeling.

Later on that day, suitably refreshed, I started out looking for the rat but with no success. Making my way downstairs I found Fluffy with the whole clowder of gingers, along with Hairy. The rat was safely tucked away in Honestlyronald's pocket and there were too many humans around. One of them might be able to stop me, and then there would be a lot of explaining to do. I would have to bide my time but I had plenty of it, so I made my way upstairs to bed.

Fluffy, considering her position, was rather forthright in removing me from my pillow when she came up. It was almost as if she considered it hers. I made myself comfortable on her clothes instead.

The next morning I was awoken to a scene of rather frantic activity. What was going on? It almost seemed as if everybody was getting ready to leave. To give Fluffy her due I got a good breakfast, certainly enough to keep me going until lunch.

Then, oh dear oh dear, she tried to get _me _into the cage. Well, I ask you. She soon learnt an important rule. Cats have four legs, humans have two arms. On carpet that is no contest. I wondered how long it would take her to get bored when…all of a sudden…I was _grabbed_ by the scruff of the neck and _hurled _into the cage, whereupon the door was slammed shut.

I turned around just in time to see molly Molly walking away and muttering "That's the animals dealt with, now for the children."

Hmmm. She was obviously somebody to be treated with caution, maybe even a grudging respect. On balance, it would probably not be a good idea to leave a dead animal in her shoes.

I will pass over the episode where I was treated like so much luggage and wheeled through a huge building. Not dignified at all.

Then, all of a sudden there was a strange wheezing noise, rather like an old Labrador who's eaten too much. I peered from what I now considered my cell in amazement.

A huge red train stood before me. I knew what it was instantly - the Hogwarts Express. Fluffy carried me onto the train with due reverence and found us a carriage, along with Hairy, Ginny, Honestlyronald - and his rat. Don't worry, I hadn't forgotten about the rat in all the excitement. His time would come.

There was one other occupant already there. My servant's colleagues were quite clearly not the freshest fish on the slab- they'd chosen to sit with a werewolf!

I quickly ran through everything I had ever heard about them.

Huge, vicious, blood thirsty beasts who preyed on…humans. With a sigh I relaxed; I would be purrfectly safe.

As luck would have it Hairy chose to sit closest to the monster, so if there was an attack there was a very good chance my servant would be able to get away and I wouldn't have to find my own dinner. I could settle back and enjoy the journey.

Actually, it was rather pleasant, once Fluffy had let me out. I gave her a very fixed stare, and then decided her lap looked more comfortable than the cushions. She stroked me quite a lot, which was nice, and Ginny kept me amused by bouncing a little piece of parchment tied to some string in front of me.

Yes I know I am a sophisticat, but I am capable of enjoying some of life's simple pleasures as well.

All was well until the temperature started dropping. I knew Hogwarts was somewhere rather northern and uncivilised, but I hadn't expected this. I snuggled in a little closer to Fluffy, trying to get as much of myself inside her jumper as I could, but she seemed rather tense.

Then the door opened. I had no idea what it was that entered, but I knew I didn't like it. I made myself big and scary, but it had little effect on…the thing. I decided to try a different approach, and made myself very little so that I could hide under Fluffy's arm.

Things were certainly not right, so I looked to my travelling companions for protection. It was not to be. Ginny turned into a quivering wreck, whilst Hairy heroically threw himself to the floor in a dead faint.

It was the werewolf who saved me, using a twig to make the thing go away. Perhaps I had misjudged him. He might be worth adding to my social circle, especially as he didn't even try to eat Fluffy afterwards.

The rest of the journey was rather strained. The bouncy stringy parchment game appeared to have been forgotten so, making the most of a bad job, I stretched out on Fluffy's lap for a rest. I was just drifting from doze to a really good nap when the train juddered to a halt and we all had to get out.

I looked up and there, before me, was the castle! I will not lie to you; a little tear escaped my eye.

I, Gorgeous, orphan cat of this parish, was going to Hogwarts!

Mother would be so proud.


	3. Chapter 3

I was escorted up to my room - they had given me the penthouse suite right at the top of the tower, naturally - by a House Elf, along with Fluffy's luggage. I wondered about the other beds I saw. Perhaps she had already organised some assistants to ensure I had 24 hour care.

I indicated to the elf that I was hungry, and would appreciate some room service, by smacking my lips. It looked at me.

'Is the familiar wanting something to eat?' it asked. I was impressed that the chambermaids were multi-lingual.

'Of course I do, my good elf, and ensure that my servant is catered for as well.'

'Your Mistress will already be at the feast' it informed me. 'Perky will bring food and drink…Sir.' It disappeared with a pop, having given a rather unconvincing bow. I could feel the first complaint coming on, but it returned with a dish of braised steak and a bowl of warmed milk so I let the matter rest.

I have to say that the food was very good and I ate my fill. As it had been a long day and I was ready for bed my quest, and exploration of the castle, would have to wait until the morrow. Now, which bed to choose?

I decided to use the one which had Fluffy's luggage at the end of it, so that she wouldn't have far to come if I needed anything. Always look after the staff. Curling up on the pillow, I was soon sound asleep. I was awoken shortly afterwards when Fluffy came into the room with her two assistants. It wasn't the banging door that disturbed me, but the screeching. I sometimes think I would have been better choosing a male servant; their voices are a much lower pitch. I'm sure you can imagine what happened next.

Ooh! Screech! Name? Gorgeous. Crookshanks. Giggle. Screech! You get the picture. The yellow furred one then picked up a brush. Claws. Screech. Throw. Meow.

I suppose, for completeness, I should tell you something about the assistants. They didn't play a large part in my care, although one of them does become important later on for other reasons. She was the yellow furred one called Rosemary, or Lavender, or something. Some kind of herb, anyway. She absolutely hated having dead things left in her shoes. Which was a bit unlucky for her, really. The other one had black fur and was called Parvenu. She was better, being not quite so loud.

Right, playtime is over; your master is now ready to sleep. I settled myself back on my pillow and stretched out.

'No you don't sleep there, Crookshanks.'

'Yes I do, Fluffy. I am on the pillow already, and possession is nine tenths of the law.'

I was carried across to one of the other beds. 'You can sleep there.' She tickled my belly, which I am a sucker for. 'Its a special bed just for you.'

It had a pillow, and she'd made an effort. Special, eh? I am not an unreasonable cat. 'I'll sleep here.'

-o0o-

When I awoke the next morning my first thought was that breakfast had arrived on the wing - in the form of a flock of starlings judging by all the chattering that was going on. No, it was just the girls. If this carried on I would have to make other arrangements for them.

Thankfully they soon departed and the elf arrived with my breakfast. What was her name? Pinky? Never mind. The important thing was she brought me a dish of lightly poached smoked haddock and some milk. Very acceptable.

Just after I'd finished, and had a quick brush up, Fluffy returned with a plate of sausages cut up just nicely. Being a quick thinker I pushed the fish bowl out of sight and gave her a grateful mew as she put the plate down. I even rubbed my head against her leg. If I played this right I could get two breakfasts every day.

She crouched down and stroked my head. 'Now, Crookshanks…'

'Gorgeous.'

'…I'll be at lessons all day, so you won't be sad will you?'

'No.'

'And I promise I'll come and see you at lunchtime and bring you something to eat.'

'In that case I'll be here. Have a nice day. Now go, so I can have a post-breakfast snooze. And take the others with you. Missing you already.'

I stretched out on her pillow. It smelled of her, and that was surprisingly pleasant. All-in-all she wasn't a bad servant, and I was becoming rather pleased with my choice.

I awoke just in time for lunch, and found that Porky had been in to generally tidy up and take away the breakfast things. Excellent; I could keep my little ruse going. Fluffy brought me some chicken and then departed. It tasted rather good - a hint of tarragon in there perhaps? - and I managed to push all the green bits to one side. Now, I must be about my business before the day is wasted. Just a quick snooze first to let the meal go down.

I judged it to be mid-afternoon when I awoke. Perfect; the day should be nicely aired. I made my way out of the tower and through the school; it was eerily quiet. I wondered where all the humans were. Never mind. Outside a whole world was waiting to be explored.

I wandered around for a while, sniffing here and spraying there. Within an hour quite a lot of the building belonged to me. I would get round to most of it in time and, even today, I believe I still own three-quarters of the Astronomy Tower.

Yes, I could get to like it here…Freeze!

It was racing towards me. A huge beast with monstrous, slavering jaws and I was caught out in the open. I stood up, my fur stood up, even my whiskers stood up. Still it kept coming. I tried to hiss, but it came out more like "mummy". I would have to fight. Tell Fluffy I don't forgive her for abandoning me to a savage brute that was going to rip me limb from limb. My life flashed before my eyes. I didn't recognise most of the bits involving catnip, which was a shame really as they looked rather fun.

''Ello! D'you wanna be my friend?'

'What?'

'D'you wanna be my friend? I love friends. I've got…err…what's that number that comes after three?'

'Four?'

'Yeah. I've got four friends. You can be number…err…what comes after four?'

'Two thousand, eight hundred and ninety seven.'

'Aww, you mus' be really clever! My name's Fang.'

'Is it?'

'Shall we go an' play?'

'I'd rather be neutered. And please turn your head away when you're talking to me.'

'Why? Is that a custom amongst cats? Am I bein' overtly confrontational?'

I looked it in the eye. 'You don't know what that means, do you?'

'No. So am I? Bein'…that?'

'No, its just that your breath smells like a rancid polecat.'

The dog put its paws over its mouth and sniffed. It hadn't realised that it needed four legs to stand up, so fell flat on its face. Sweet Bast.

'Yeah, that'll prob'ly be what I had for lunch' it said, looking up at me from the mud.

'Which was…?'

'Err…rancid polecat.' It pointed towards a hovel with its paw. 'I think there might be some left if you…?'

'Oh, what a shame, but I've already eaten. _Poulet roti avec sauce herbe au dragon_ accompanied by a rather cheeky _Lait d'Ecosse froid.'_

'Maybe another time, then. It'll keep for couple of weeks.'

'Well, as pleasant as this has been, I must be going. I need to find my servant.'

'OK. I'll see you around, then.'

'If you're quick and I'm careless.'

'What's your name, little pussy cat?'

'Floccinaucinihilipilification. Just call and I'll come running.'

As I made my way back to the school I could hear the mutt saying 'Flo…Flocco…Fl…'

I sighed. Still, as my dear mother used to say "Every silver lining has a cloud".

* * *

_For my human readers Bast was a cat worshipped by the Ancient Egyptians - which is as it should be._


	4. Chapter 4

I half awoke in the still of the night. Half awoke as in one eye and one ear. All was quiet apart from Rosemary, who was snoring like a badger. Excellent. Cats are creatures of the night; this is our time. My quest could begin in earnest.

I slipped silently from my bed and made my way out of my room. The tower was deserted, as I had hoped, but there was no sign of the rat. Every room I looked in was full of female kittens, so where were the males? I followed my nose, and they were easy enough to find. Honestlyronald and Hairy were also in a room at the top of the tower, but on the opposite side, and with its own staircase. How inconvenient. They had all those stairs to cope with every time they fancied a little _amour_. It seemed almost cruel.

A quick scan showed that the rat was absent. I was very pleased it only required a quick scan as the atmosphere in their room must have been half methane. I decided I was correct in my choice of a female servant. Compared to a male human's digestive system, female squealing was a price well worth paying.

If the rat wasn't here, then it must be out somewhere in the castle. Alone. I made my way to the entrance. This was guarded by a rather formidable female, who appeared to be asleep. I didn't fancy trying to wake her.

Come on, Gorgeous; you're a cat. Cats don't get stymied by doors. I looked high and low but everything was locked tight. There was nothing for it; I would have to wake the portrait.

However, as I approached it one of the stones in the wall faded into nothingness, and I could see the corridor outside. Checking carefully, I stepped through. The stone reformed itself. I was trapped! I approached, wondering if I could push it free with my paws. As soon as I got close, it disappeared again.

Of course! The castle recognised me as a familiar, and knew I needed to move around at will. Clever castle!

Hmm, good news and bad news. If I could do it so could the rat. I wouldn't be able to just run it down. I would need guile, stealth and cunning. Or maybe drop something on it from a great height.

I had to find it first, though, so set off along the corridor.

There's something about an old building in the dead of night. It has a resonance, a feeling of being almost organic. I could feel my fur quivering. I silently slipped from shadow to shadow, avoiding the patches of moonlight coming in through the windows. My passing didn't even raise one mote of dust from the floor. This was my destiny, I knew that now. I wasn't just a cat anymore. I was going to achieve something wonderful, something kits would be told by their mothers for years to come, and the name Gorgeous would be remembered.

In the meantime, I might as well get on with owning more of the building.

This bit's mine, and this bit's mine. No, not that bit; I don't like it. This bit's…sniff sniff.

A purrfume I recognised. Not rat, but something that made my heart leap. I wasn't the only cat in this school. Even better, this was the purrfume of a molly.

Ding dong.

I had a quick wash and brush up just in case I "accidentally" ran into her, and set off in hot purrsuit. And when I say hot, I was _hot_.

I sped through the corridors following her scent. It was getting stronger and I started to race. She was just around the corner; my dream, my soul mate…My word.

She was a little…scrawnier than I had hoped for. A little more...tabby. Pure bred Persian is everyone's fantasy, I realise, but she wasn't so much mysterious East as…East End. I decided I should maybe have a think about it, and tried to bring myself to a halt so that I could slip away without being seen.

The problem with claws is that they don't get a very good grip on stone, no matter how hard you try. We ended up in what could be described as a heap. I extracted myself with as much dignity as I could muster. Being me, that is still quite a lot. First impressions are so important and, after all, a molly in the paw is worth twelve on a calendar.

'_Pardonez moi, mademoiselle_.' Classy.

She looked at me as if I was - to borrow one of your rather insulting human expressions - something the cat had dragged in.

'Are you a familiar?'

'My servant is a witch at this establishment' I averred. I gave her my best smouldering look. 'My name's Gorgeous, but you can call me…Grr.'

She used one of her claws to clean a piece of meat out of her teeth. 'Familiars aren't meant to be in the corridors at night. Go back to your room.'

'Then what are you doing out?'

Her back arched. 'I am not, repeat not, a familiar.'

'Oh. Shame.' I half turned and pretended to walk away.

'What do you mean "shame"?'

I paused, still keeping my back to her. 'Well, if you aren't a familiar your servant must be a…' I allowed a little shudder to run through me, 'squib.'

She hissed. 'He's not a squib; he just chooses to do things the proper way. He's an important man; guardian of the castle. Without him, this place would go to rat…droppings. So don't you come slinking around here with your airs and graces just because your servant got lucky, Gorgeous.'

'So what's your name? If we're going to trade insults we should be on equal terms.'

'My name is…nothing that need worry you.'

'That's a bit of a mouthful.' I saw her lips pull slightly into a smile before she could stop herself. 'Shall I just call you "Tiger"? You can fight like one.' Ha…she was putty in my hands.

She considered me for a moment. 'You may call me Mrs. Norris.'

'OK, Mrs. Norris.' I rolled onto my back to give her the killer line. 'You will tell my next of kin, won't you?'

She eyed me warily. 'Tell them what?'

I playfully tickled her chin. 'That I've just died and gone to heaven.'

IT HURT! IT REALLY HURT! ALL FIVE CLAWS STRAIGHT INTO MY EAR! I was almost at ceiling level before I managed to get a grip onto something.

'Familiars aren't allowed out at night' she said, as she walked off.

Obviously a change of tactics was called for. Something told me this one wasn't going to be easy. I'd need to take it very carefully, a bit of wooing, no rushing in. I'd have to play the long game, judge each step before I took it.

That was fine; I had a spare fifteen minutes in my schedule.

Anyway, I like it when they play hard to get. The little teases.

.


	5. Chapter 5

'Oh, Crookshanks!' I was ripped from my sleep and a rather nice dream involving me, several mice and a bowl of cream. 'What's happened to you? Oh, you poor thing!'

Fluffy carried me over to her bed and put me down. 'Now, you stay right there and I'll be back in a minute.' She was, too, with a bowl of water, which I didn't like the look of. She picked me up and put me on her lap.

'I want you to be a big, brave Crookshanks and let me clean your ear. Then I'll get you a special breakfast to make you all better.'

A special breakfast, eh? I can do brave that would make a stone cry. Every time she touched my ear I made little meep noises, and "tried" to wriggle away. She kept up a constant chatter of 'Brave Crookshanks' and 'Be a big boy for me'.

When she was finished she put me back on the bed – I lay there looking exhausted – and covered me with a jumpurr. Once she was gone Parky arrived with the first course so I hopped off the bed, quickly ate the kippurrs she'd brought me and pushed the bowl out of sight.

I'd only just managed to get back under the jumpurr when Fluffy returned with some sausages and a bit of black pudding "to keep my strength up". She fed me little pieces which I managed to eat "despite my suffering". It was great.

'Now, you stay here and have a nice rest. I'll come and see you with some lunch.'

I gave her another little meep to show her I'd struggle through, and closed my eyes. Once I was convinced she was safely out of the way I got up. Mrs. Norris would probably be pining for me by now, and it does not do to keep a lady waiting.

She wasn't anywhere to be found. I tried the corridor we'd met in last night, and started searching out from there. Nothing. Strange. She's probably hunting high and low for me, I thought. Who can blame her?

My search took me far and wide around the castle, so I took the opportunity to take possession of a bit more of it. Eventually I found myself at the top of a remote tower, where a ladder went up to a trapdoor. It was worth checking out, so I climbed up.

The room was empty save for one human, who had her back to me. The place smelt very odd – spices and such like. I wasn't sure I liked it; there was something about this room that made my fur vibrate. I was just about to retrace my steps when she spoke.

'There is milk in the bowl by the fireplace, my pretty. You are thirsty after your walk.'

How she knew I was there was something I could work out after I'd had a drink. She was right; I was thirsty. As I lapped at the milk she came over to sit by me. She had those things humans wear on their faces to make their eyes look big and scary and was dressed in an assortment of strange clothes. I'd never seen a human looking so…odd. Of course, I'd not met Lunatic at this stage.

'First, the servant, then the boy and now you. The dark forces gather and Hogwarts will weep blood. Should I tell him? No, I shall not. He thinks me a foolish old woman, and it suits my purpose that he does, so I shall keep my peace.' She spoke in a far away voice, and I wondered if she was talking to me or herself.

She picked me up and looked at me with those big eyes. I found myself shivering, which wasn't very brave of me.

'You know, of course, about the servant. That is why you are here.'

I was a bit confused. Which servant? Not Fluffy, obviously. Honestlyronald?

'You are half-Kneazle, so I know that you can understand me. You must destroy the servant. One will arrive shortly who will help you in your quest. Trust him, though he will appear to be your enemy. Now you must go, for I have work to do.'

I was quite pleased to leave. I don't normally like it when people figure out my true ancestry; my father is not a Kneazle I am proud of and I didn't like what the human had said either. All this talk of blood.

As I made my way down the ladder I looked back to see her talking to a pack of cards. 'The Tower; dramatic upheaval. Death Ill Dignified; painful change. The Lovers; a struggle between two paths...'

I just wanted to find out what the rat had to hide and I had no interest in "dark forces gathering". What was that about trusting my enemy? Maybe she was a herring short of a shoal. I didn't think I'd be visiting her much, although the milk was appreciated. Remembering what she had said still made me feel a bit scared. You see, thinking isn't good for you; especially on an empty stomach.

Talking of which – a glance out of the window showed me it was nearly lunchtime. I would have to hurry.

I only just made it back to my room and under the jumpurr when Fluffy arrived with my food. She picked me up and checked my ear before feeding me some pieces of steak. I "managed to force down" all of it and then lay there looking sad and ill. Sometimes, I am too good for my own good.

'Oh, Crookshanks, you don't look well at all. If you aren't any better this evening I think I'll have to take you to Madame Pomfrey, or maybe Hagrid. He might be better; he'll have animal medicines, probably.

Oh oh. Cats don't like the M-word. It suggests the "trip to the V-" phrase, and we all know what they like doing to healthy young cats. A miraculous recovery was called for, which was a shame. I'd rather enjoyed being fed.

Once my angel of mercy had departed for the afternoon I got up again. I supposed I should start hunting for the rat, although I wasn't so keen on meeting him any more. I might find Mrs. Norris, though.

I didn't find her quickly enough, that was the problem. Walking around the school on my own gave me time to think about this morning. Thinking isn't good for you on a full stomach. I was so distracted I didn't even bother marking out any territory, but just wandered around.

'How's your ear?' It was Mrs. Norris! I looked around, but couldn't see her. 'I'm up here, on the window ledge.'

I looked up and there she was. On the window ledge. Nine out of nine for accurate information.

'I'm sort of sorry about that, but you have to admit it was a pretty awful chat up line; you couldn't pull a rotten tooth out of a dead horse's head with it. Why did you bother?'

I shrugged. 'It's worked before.'

'But not with the sort of molly you'd want to introduce to your mother, right?'

I shrugged again and she jumped down, landing silently beside me. 'Dog got your tongue?' I shrugged a third time and she gave me a long, considering look. 'You know, I'm almost disappointed.'

I looked at her, confused.

'I didn't think you'd give up that easily. I expected a bit more spirit, a bit of fight. Or don't you like mollies who can match you?'

'No, it's not that at all. I've got things on my mind, that's all.'

'Oh dear. It never does a tom any good to think, especially whilst they're walking. That involves multi-tasking and males aren't any good at it.' That made me smile a bit. 'So, what have you been thinking about that doesn't involve the two things that are always on your mind?'

Suddenly, talking to somebody who could understand me seemed a good idea. 'I met this strange human this morning. She…said things…odd things about me and the future…'

Mrs. Norris laughed. 'I see! You met The Batty Professor!' She saw my eyebrows rise. 'That's what Argus – he's my servant – calls her, anyway. He thinks she isn't the full sickle. Apparently she keeps frightening the kittens by telling them they're all going to die.'

'Really?'

'Yes. You didn't…' She started rolling on the floor and holding her sides. 'You didn't…fall for it, did you? Oh, how sweet!'

'No! Of course I didn't fall for it! You have to get up pretty late in the evening to get one over on Gorgeous.'

I could see she was trying not to laugh. 'Obviously. Anyway, what are your plans for the afternoon?' She held up a paw. 'Plans that don't involve food or sex.'

That had me stumped. Then I remembered my quest. Should I tell her?

'I'm looking for a rat.'

'So it does involve food?'

'No.'

'Urgh! That's sick!'

'No! Certainly not that, either!'

'So what then?'

'It isn't a rat; not a real one. It's an animagus and I want to know why. Once Grrr gets his teeth into something he doesn't let go.' I was starting to feel my old self now I had had it pointed out to me how silly I'd been.

'Has anyone ever actually called you Grrr?'

'Of course! Lots of…' She was already looking sceptical. 'A dog did, once.'

She shook her head. 'I've met some chancers in my time, but…Go and find your rat.'

'Aren't you coming with me?'

'I'm busy. I have to keep an eye on the kittens and let Argus know what they're up to. Some of us have to work for a living.'

'What about tonight?'

'Familiars aren't allowed out at night.' She started walking off but as she got to the corner she stopped. 'So I'd better not find you on the fourth floor corridor about nine o'clock.' Then she was gone.

Ding dong.


	6. Chapter 6

All the kittens were gathered in their communal play area. Some were talking or playing games, and Fluffy was completely ignoring me. Instead of looking after me she was making little squiggles on some parchment and occasionally pausing to talk to a book. She was completely absorbed in her…whatever it was she was doing and it was eight forty-five. Purrfect. If I left now I could arrive in good time, and not all out of breath. I might even hide for a while, let her wait for a bit - build the tension. I slid silently from my chair and made my way to the exit stone.

'Where do you think you're going Crookshanks?'

'Gorgeous.'

'You've not been well, so you can stay by me tonight and rest.'

'No…but…the thing is…' I was carried back and put on the chair next to her. I waited until she was occupied and tried again. Just as I was about to reach the stone a pair of hands closed around me and I was airborne once more.

'Hey, Her-meow-meow, your cat was trying to sneak out again.'

'Oh, thank you Shameless! Now, Crookshanks, if you're not going to behave I shall have to put you in your carry basket. You need to recover.'

This could not be happening to me! I, Gorgeous, a lusty young tom, had a hot date! Even now she was probably on the fourth floor trying to bring her heart rate under control. It was no use. Every time I moved a pair of beady eyes fixed themselves upon me.

It was gone eleven when Fluffy stood up and stretched. 'Well, I think that's enough for tonight. Let's go to bed.'

One thing I will say for her she doesn't hang around. Within ten minutes she was in bed and fast asleep, giving rather unladylike snorts as she breathed. Finally…

I raced to the fourth floor corridor to find it deserted. I searched that castle for hours, but there was no sign of Mrs Norris. Probably weeping herself to sleep in her room, the poor, sweet, innocent thing.

In the cold light of dawn I made my way back to my room. I could have cried.

-o0o-

'Did you have a nice sleep, Crookshanks? Are you feeling better today?'

'Just go.'

Then the stupid House Elf turned up. 'Is the familiar wanting a final meal? Perky means…breakfast.' It actually giggled. I was in no mood to be laughed at by an anthropoid.

'Yes, and be quick about it.'

It bowed. 'The familiar is entitled to a last request.' With another giggle it disappeared, returning with some bacon. 'Enjoy it whilst you can. Sir.' It made to leave, trying to hide a smile.

'Oi! Pervy, come here. What's so funny?'

'Nothing. Sir.'

'It isn't nothing. Why are you laughing?'

'Is the familiar planning on leaving Gryffindor Tower today?'

'Of course I am. I have a quest.'

It put its hand over its mouth to stifle a snort. 'The "bravest of the brave" and the "stupidest of the stupid;" how hard it sometimes is to tell them apart' it said, apparently to itself. With a crack, it was gone. I am surrounded by incompetents.

Fluffy returned soon afterwards with some more bacon for me, but I was almost too distracted to eat. Her words didn't help matters.

'Oh Crookshanks, you should have come down to breakfast with me today! Filtch's cat came into the Great Hall and I've never seen anything like it! She was chasing all over the Gryffindor table and even jumping in and out of our bags! I could have sworn she gave me a dirty look. We're all convinced she's completely mad!'

Yes, as I thought; quietly weeping herself to sleep in her room. No, not this one. If she was in her room it was to plot her revenge on me. She was probably planning something that would mean the vet would have nothing left to chop off. I winced. My fur winced. Even my whiskers winced.

Maybe it would be a good idea to spend the day hiding…I mean, resting my ear.

Come on, Crookshanks! Are you a cat or a vole? Get out there and explain to her. She's a grown up, sensible, mature… I'm going to die. Might as well get it over with, I suppose.

The corridors were eerily quiet, as if waiting. Occasionally I had the feeling I was being watched, but could never catch anybody - just House Elves cleaning. Thinking back on it now, shouldn't they have had brushes, or something?

I crept along the corridors, checking round corners. I certainly didn't want to run into her accidentally.

'YOU!'

Oops. She'd managed to get round behind me. I turned and gave her a winning smile. I felt the breeze as her claws whistled past my nose.

'Look, I'm sorry.'

'Sorry? SORRY? Do you know how long I waited in that corridor? DO YOU?'

I assumed it was a rhetorical question and kept my mouth shut.

'TWO HOURS! Two hours I sat there like some stupid kitten waiting for you to turn up. Did you enjoy your joke? DID YOU? "Oh, she's so dog dumb she'll sit there waiting for me. She thinks I'm really interested in her; she'll wait." You're not, are you? What am I to you? Just the stupid molly of a stupid squib you can fool around with until you get out of here and meet some real familiars. Propurr cats who have propurr wizards to look after them. You're all the same AND I HATE YOU!'

Then she started yowling. I hate it when mollies do that; I never know how to react.

'No! It's not like that. My servant wouldn't let me go out last night. She threatened to put me in my cage.'

'YOUR servant threatened YOU? You're not a cat at all.' She spat out the last bit. 'You're a PET!'

Oh, that hurt. 'No I'm not! Anyway…it's your fault.'

Have you ever wished you could grab words out of the air before they reached someone's ears? It was just like being on the train when that thing came in. It suddenly got very, very cold.

'My fault? This'd better be good. Go on, I'm waiting.' She already had her claws unsheathed.

'Well, you…clawed…my ear…'

'Deservedly.'

'Possibly…probably…and...that's why she wouldn't let me out. She said I …had to recover.'

BAF! This time she didn't miss.

'Ow! What did you hit me for?'

'Because YOU left me sitting around and then YOU try to blame it on me. That's why I hit you…twice.'

'You only hit me once.'

BAF!

'My mistake; now it's twice. Happy?'

'Stop hitting me! No, I'm not happy. I'm not happy because I'm upset and I didn't mean to do it. I tried everything, honestly, but she had all her friends keeping guard and I couldn't get past them. I feel terrible.'

I did, too. I'd missed out on the chance of some really hot action. That's a bitter pill to have hidden in a piece of fish.

'Do you? Do you really feel terrible?'

'Yes. The worst I've ever felt.'

'Because you let me down and left me here all on my own?'

WARNING! Your next answer could be critical, Gorgeous. Take a second to think.

'Obviously. Why else would I feel terrible? I'm not just one of these "wham, bam, thank you molly" kind of cats. I left you here all on your own, and now you'll probably never speak to me again.' I drooped. My fur drooped. My whiskers drooped. 'I'll just go, shall I?'

A paw - claws sheathed - touched my face. 'What ever happened to "Grr doesn't let go once he gets his teeth into something"?'

'You hate me.'

'I don't hate you. Midnight? We'll make it later if you want; give your…servant a chance to get to sleep. Same place?'

I ran all the way back to my room. I had only fifteen hours to turn myself into the most desirable tom in the Universe. Yeah, I could probably manage it and still get in a couple of sleeps.


	7. Chapter 7

By nine o'clock I was ready to go and bouncing around like a frog on a hot pavement. That was no good at all; I needed to settle down. I am Mr Frosty Morning, not some tom on his first prowl.

'Fluffy, entertain me.' She carried on making squiggles on a piece of parchment. I started batting her legs. 'Fluffy. FLUFFY! Play with me.'

She looked down, and scratched behind my ear. 'Hello, Crookshanks.' She went back to her parchment.

What was so fascinating about what she was doing that it was better than me? I climbed up on her lap. By putting my front paws on the table and stretching I could see what was going on. It didn't look that interesting - compared with me.

'Crookshanks!'

'Gorg…Never mind.'

'I can't see anything. Move! I'm trying to do my homework.'

'But I want attention.' I laid on the parchment and rolled onto my back so she could tickle my tummy. She didn't.

'I'm busy. Move.' She picked me up and put me on the floor.

Well, be like that then; I shall find somebody who appreciates me. I spied a group of younger kittens and walked over to them. That was better; lots of stroking and giggling. Then one of them…I blame the parents. He just screwed up this piece of parchment and threw it. It was nowhere near the bin. I walked over and picked it up, carrying it back to him.

'Now come on, young tom. If everybody did that this place would be a tip. Try again.'

Well, even worse than the first attempt. I would persist; the kitten obviously needed to be taught. Ten times it tried before I gave up and put the parchment ball in the bin myself. Honestly, youngsters these days…

Ah ha! Ginny. Maybe she would play the parchment on a string game with me. She did too, and she's very good. She twitched it along the floor and always managed to flick it away from me as I pounced. I thought she could probably play professionally when she was older.

That passed a pleasant hour. Still only ten. Maybe Fluffy is free now. I decided to stalk her shoelaces. What fun that is! I still do it even now. She has this habit of crossing and uncrossing her ankles which makes it far more challenging. Ready…crawl a bit closer…there's a cross…next one…chest right on the carpet…bit closer…GO! Incoming!

'CROOKSHANKS! Now you've made me blot my essay and I've still got Arithmancy and Muggle Studies to start on.'

I got the impression from somewhere that she wasn't pleased with me. Well, I wasn't pleased that her evenings didn't revolve around looking after me.

'I hired you, I can fire you.' I turned my back on her and started washing my face. I could start preparing a few lines for tonight, I supposed.

'There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.'

Or…how about…

'You must be very tired, because you've been running through my mind all day.'

Pure class.

Still an hour before we were due to meet. Who else was around? Shameless didn't seem to be doing much, but I still hadn't forgotten his treachery the other night. Not only would he be getting lots of dead animals in his shoes but just wait until I find _him_ with a molly. Revenge will be sweet.

Honestlyronald was talking to Hairy. I could maybe just saunter over, see if his rat was around. Perhaps I could lure it away.

'…yeah, I was surprised, Hairy! I know I don't like spiders but I never thought they'd be my Boggart!'

Hairy giggled. 'Still not over your phobia, then?'

'I don't think I ever will be, mate!'

Hmmm. So Honestlyronald doesn't like spiders, eh? I'll file that one away for future reference. His rat was nowhere to be seen so it might be worth a quick check upstairs. I rushed up to the tom's room, but he wasn't there either. The smell hadn't improved, by the way.

By the time I got back downstairs Fluffy was stretching and putting her things away. Good, she was off to bed. I went up with her, as she seems to like that. I'll say one thing for her, she falls asleep quicker than I do. As soon as her head hit the pillow she was gone.

-o0o-

The night was cool, with the fragrance of late summer flowers drifting through the windows, and the moon was out. Everything was just perfect; I couldn't fail.

She was waiting for me, in a patch of moonlight that made her fur glow. She'd obviously been combing it for hours. She sat very upright, with her tail curled around her legs - as any well brought up molly should do. She even looked away a little shyly as I approached. I felt my heart beat just a little faster.

'There must be something wrong with…' She put her paw over my mouth.

'No, you don't need to come out with the corny lines. Try treating me like a cat, instead.'

That stumped me. She wanted me to talk to her like she was a tom, or normal.

'How are you?'

She sighed. 'Well, it's a start. I'm fine, what about you?'

'I'd go to the end of the world for you.'

'But would you stay there?' She laughed at the expression on my face. 'See, I can give as good as I get. Would you like to go for a walk?'

Walking sounded good; maybe somewhere a little more secluded. Well, it didn't happen quite like that…

I'm not sure I can explain what did happen. We walked all night, and we talked all night, too. Before I knew it I'd told her all about mother, and leaving home and the Magical Menagerie and Fluffy and the rat.

Then she told me all about herself, as well. How her servant had come for her when she was quite young, so young she can't remember what her real name is. He - Argus, her servant - named her Mrs Norris, but she didn't know why. He's very good to her, though, and looks after her and feeds her only the best. I'm starting to like him.

She told me about last year, when she got petrified by a basilisk. That pulled me up short.

'Where?'

'Here, in Hogwarts. Something funny had been going on all year and one night I was doing my rounds…'

'Why do you do that?'

'I told you; Argus needs to know what the kittens are up to. Anyway, I was doing my rounds when…'

'Where?'

'I told you that as well; here in the castle!' She cuffed me gently. 'Now stop interrupting and listen! SO…I was doing my rounds and I found a puddle of water coming out from one of the toilets on the second floor. I walked over to investigate when…all of a sudden…'

'What?'

'Well, I don't know, do I? I'd been petrified. I don't remember any of it. But Argus was so pleased when I was unpetrified; he wouldn't let me out of his sight for weeks and insisted on feeding me himself and warming my milk. That was very nice.'

I was stunned into silence. Warmed milk. Then a thought struck me. 'Basiliks can kill you, can't they? You could've…died.'

She nodded. 'If I'd seen it directly, rather than in a reflection.' She seemed remarkably calm about it all.

Suddenly I didn't feel very nice. Norris could have died, then I'd never have met her. I didn't like that idea. I, sort of, liked meeting her. We walked on in silence for a moment. Then she stopped, and nodded her head.

'Gryffindor Tower. I suppose you should get back in so your servant doesn't worry when she wakes up and you aren't there.'

I hadn't realised it was nearly dawn. The sky had an almost silvery sheen to it.

'Yes. No, wait…we've not done anything…'

'We've done lots of things. We've had a walk, and you've listened to me. That was…different.' She paused a moment. 'You're nice, you know? Nicer than maybe I thought you were, once you stopped trying to charm the fur off me.' She briefly rubbed her head against mine. 'I've enjoyed tonight.'

'So have I. It wasn't what I was expecting, but…yes, it was nice. Can we do it again?'

'I'd like that. Tonight?'

'I'll be there.'

I knew I should go in, but didn't want to leave. I kept turning to the stone, then back again. 'Norris?'

'Yes?'

'Nothing, really. I just like saying your name.'

She laughed and shook her head. 'Mother told me to be on the lookout for toms like you.'

'You must remember to thank her.'

'Get on with you, Grrr!'

I watched her all the way down the corridor, until she was out of sight, then made my way slowly up to my room. The mollies were still asleep and I stretched out on my bed.

A funny old night but rather pleasant, I decided. Then I went to sleep and even the chattering didn't wake me.


	8. Chapter 8

September slipped into October like an otter diving into a stream. I didn't even notice until some golden-yellow leaves fluttered by me one day as I was taking a walk in the grounds. That was something I rarely did because Fang - for all he was an idiot - could move around very quietly when he wanted to.

He'd caught me out a couple of times. I'd be taking my morning constitutional - and was once stalking a rather tasty looking mouse - when the mobile furball would come bounding along. "Flocci" he'd call me as he drooled and wet himself , all the while blasting a Hades furnace of breath in my direction. I'd call him an animal, but it seems a little unfair. I suppose "Dog" sums it up adequately.

I met his Master, too. Dogs don't have servants, by the way. Dogs are OWNED. They go for walks and fetch slippurrs. The Master was Haggard by name and haggard by nature. I'll say this for him, though, he knew how to treat a cat - always very respectful and friendly, he was. If it wasn't for his stupid PET he could make a good servant. Kept a very poorly stocked larder, though. I was dragged in there one day to have lunch with my new "friend". Call me old-fashioned but I've never seen the point of eating raven, no matter how long you leave it to hang, and water is not a drink to accompany a meal. Water is what falls out of the sky and makes your fur wet.

Apart from those two - rather large - blots on the horizon, Hogwarts was exceeding all my expectations. The food was both excellent and abundant. Fluffy still didn't realise I was having two breakfast and the Elf - I really do wish I could remember its name, never mind - made sure I had a good selection.

Speaking of Fluffy, another slight complaint. She was obsessed with making squiggles on bits of parchment. All night every night, squiggle squiggle squiggle. Then she started doing it at weekends, too. The service at lunch time went down hill, too. She'd rush in, HURL my bowl on the floor and rush out again. I tried explaining to her that eating was an expurrience to be enjoyed, not a chore, but she wasn't listening.

Then, of course, there was Norris. Aah, Norris. If only…but I must tell my story as it unfolded.

We continued meeting every night, and I'd help her on her "patrols" as she called them. Basically it just meant walking around the school and occasionally rubbing our heads against each other. Sometimes we'd find a window ledge and just sit, looking out over the grounds.

That got me into trouble, once.

It was a beautiful night, if you were inside. The day had been still and clear, so I knew the night was going to be cold. The frost was down quickly, covering all the trees and grass in a silver powder. The moon was full, adding to the effect. We were on a window ledge, and I knew exactly what I wanted to do.

But…she was not a molly to be rushed. I needed to woo her. A serenade seemed ideal, though modesty forbids me to tell you what a very fine voice I have. I thought I would stick to the classics, so gave her my rendition of "Give me the moonlight, give me the molly, and just let me get on with it".

She was squelchy mud in my paws. This was it! No. Once again the gods laughed in my face.

'What, may I ask, is all this noise about?'

It was another cat! A rather old, scrawny looking molly, if you ask me. I was only stopped from giving her my answer by Norris' reaction. She leapt away from me like a…well, a scalded cat.

'Please, Miss. I'm sorry, Miss.'

The strange cat turned her beady eyes on me. She had very strange markings around them.

'Who are you? Answer me!'

Ooh, get you! I drew myself up to my full height.

'My name is Gorgeous, and I will have you know my servant is a witch at this _établissement. _So _w_hat's your hobby?'

There was a pop, and a human stood in front of me. Li Shou, she was an animagus! I think I've already mentioned I can normally spot them a horse's gallop away, but she was good.

'I am Professor McGon-yowl, and my _hobby_ is being deputy headmistress of this…_établissement.'_

Whoops. I rolled onto my back in case she wanted to tickle my tummy.

She didn't want to tickle my tummy.

'You may go, Mrs Norris. We will speak later. You…' the eyes were back on me, 'can stay.'

Norris left , with just a backward glance. She seemed sorry, embarrassed and just a bit scared all at once. That's a lot of emotions to put on one face. McGon-yowl watched her go, then turned back to me. With another pop she regained her cat form and leapt up onto the ledge. She was quite nimble, for her age.

'Who is your servant?'

'Her-meow-meow. She's in Gryffindor.' For some reason I thought it was important to get that bit in.

'Hmm. I would have expected Miss Granger to take her responsibilities more seriously. Does she know you are out.'

'It depends what you mean by "does she know", exactly. Anyway, the castle gives me free passage.'

'The castle has spent too many centuries surrounded by kittens. It has never really grown up.'

(I should point out here that McGon-yowl was absolutely fluent in Cat. Most animagi are not so accomplished - that's another thing that often gives them away.)

She gave me a very pointed look. 'What are your intentions towards Mrs Norris?'

I had a quick scratch whilst I worked out what she wanted to hear. I had a feeling it wasn't the truth. After all, I'm a tom, Norris is a molly. How many intentions can there be?

'We're…friends.'

'What happens when you leave?'

I was confused. 'What do you mean, leave? Norris said something like that. I'm not going anywhere.'

'You will not remain here forever. Your servant will leave eventually, when she becomes a molly. Will you go with her?'

'Well…yes. I suppose.'

'And what happens to Mrs. Norris then?'

I couldn't answer that, but McGon-yowl didn't give me a telling off as I expected. Instead she looked rather sympathetic.

'I've seen it before, Gorgeous. Mrs. Norris is not a kitten anymore. She gets…attached to toms, who then leave the school, and her. It hurts her.'

'I don't want to hurt her.'

'I thought not.'

'But I like being with her. It isn't just what you think…' I felt the eyes bore into me again. 'Not all of it; I do like her. I don't think I can stay away.'

McGon-yowl jumped down from the window ledge. 'Then all she will have are memories. Make sure, this time, they are good ones. Or else…' Then she was gone.

I walked back to my room deepurr in thought than I'd ever been. Deepurr than I'd ever wanted to be. Leaving had never been a problem in the past, it was staying that got me worried.

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts I completely ignored a mouse that had let itself get cornered. I could see the fear in its eyes.

'Not tonight. But count yourself lucky. Next time I won't be so generous.'

It scuttled off and I resumed my walk. Caring about Norris, letting a mouse go without even a chase…was I growing up? Maybe to the stage where I wanted to stay here, with her. Fluffy was only a servant, after all. The House Elves could feed me, if necessary.

But I'd chosen Fluffy. Though only to get at the rat. I mustn't forget that. Even so, I liked her.

I didn't sleep on my special bed that night. Instead I crawled in next to Fluffy. She was fast asleep but something must have registered because she put her arm around me and I heard her say "Crookshanks" in her sleep.

I liked her, and she liked me and I liked Norris. What a to do! Once more I decided it wasn't a good idea to think on an empty stomach, so fell asleep instead.

* * *

_Li Shou is another cat worshipped by humans. Two-nil to us, I think._


	9. Chapter 9

Our next meeting was rather strained, I have to say. We hadn't been avoiding each other as such, we just didn't seem to cross paths. Eventually I met her in a corridor, whilst actually looking for the rat. I suppose one good thing about being interrupted that evening was that it had reminded me what I was really here for.

'Hello.' There was a slightly strained silence. 'I've missed you.'

I thought for a moment she was going to turn away without answering, but she didn't. 'I've missed you, too.'

'McGon-yowl had a talk to me. I'd never thought about leaving here.'

'They never do.'

'She said something about that. Have there been many others?'

Stupid, stupid Gorgeous. If ever a sentence came out wrong that was it. It was like I'd clawed her.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean…'

'What do you want me to say? That I had them queuing around the Astronomy Tower? '

'Norris, please. I didn't mean that. McGon-yowl said you got hurt. I don't want to hurt you.'

'So you'll stay, when Fluffy leaves?' she challenged.

How could I answer that one? 'I don't know. She said if I didn't all you'd have is memories, so I had to make sure they were good ones. I want you to have good memories - just in case.'

She shrugged. 'I suppose that's the best I can hope for, isn't it.'

I wanted to say more, to tell her that I'd be here forever, but I couldn't so I just said 'Can I come on patrol with you again? Tonight?'

She nodded. 'If you want to. Usual place.'

I made my way back to Gryffindor Tower, wondering how I could make things right with Norris. I obviously needed to get back in her best litter tray, but how? Maybe a few jokes.

"What's grey, has four legs, and a trunk? A mouse on its way to Hogwarts!"

"If I had a dog, I'd call it Stay. Then I'd shout Come here Stay! Come here Stay!"

Or, how about

"I can build you a flea circus, but I'll have to start from scratch."

It was no good, I had to stop; my ribs were starting to ache. If those didn't cheer her up, nothing would. I was still chuckling to myself when I got back to the play area.

As usual Fluffy was there making squiggles, but Honestlyronald and Hairy were sat with her as well. They were making squiggles too, although not as obsessively. That was when I caught the scent.

The rat was in the room. I eased my way gently forward, my paws not making a sound as I crept towards the table, my ears sweeping back and forth. It was in Honestlyronald's bag, caught like a rat in a trap - appropriately. All I needed was to draw his attention way for a few moments, something to either make him leave or avoid looking at me.

I scouted around behind the furniture until I found what I was looking for - a large spider. They do breed them big at Hogwarts. That would do the trick. Grabbing it I leapt up onto the table and, fixing my eyes on Honestlyronald, began to chew - very slowly. That's right, watch me and forget all about your little friend.

I'm not actually that keen on spiders; lots of chewing for little reward and the legs can get stuck in your throat on the way down, but it was worth it. His face! If only I had a camber like humans have, I'd have taken his portrait! I've never seen a human go that colour before.

He may not have enjoyed the show, but Fluffy was obviously impressed at my hunting prowess and started cooing as to how clever I was. These little unsolicited testimonials never come amiss.

Honestlyronald finally managed to drag his eyes away from me and fixed them resolutely on his squiggles, which was exactly what I wanted. Those of a nervous disposition, look away now.

I went for the bag, but I hadn't quite given him long enough to ignore me. For a big, useless lump he can be quite fast on his feet. Then it all got a bit confused.

I had all twenty claws into the bag, which was quite lucky as he started swinging it round his head and shouting about stupid animals. I could have told him the rat was a stupid animal, if only he'd listen to me. Fluffy was shouting at him not to hurt me, which was gratifying.

Then the rat came flying out of the bag and across the room. With a piece of timing that even impressed me I let go at exactly the right part of the orbit to follow it. Could I actually catch it in mid air? How impressive would that be? I'll tell you; very.

It didn't quite work though, and the rat managed to get under a bit of old furniture. I tried making a few swipes at it, but that's when having dodgy legs proved rather inconvenient and I couldn't quite reach.

The next thing I knew Fluffy had grabbed hold of me and started pulling me away. I dug my claws into the carpet but she's stronger than she looks.

Honestlyronald was still behaving in a ridiculous way, and getting rather full of himself. He started shouting at _my_ servant. He'd pay for that. Don't like me eating spiders, eh? What about me putting them in your bed, instead?

'There's something funny about that animal' he said, waving the rat around. Finally, the message had got through even his thick skull.

'Yes there is something funny about it, stupid. It's an animagus!' I shouted back, but he wasn't listening to me and slunk off to his room.

Fluffy carried me up to my room, and I detected a slightly tense atmosphere as she dropped me onto my bed.

'Oh, Crookshanks! I know you're a cat, and cats chase rats, but I wish you wouldn't. He doesn't like it and it gets him all upset.'

'Fluffy, you're very sweet, and bring me breakfast and all that, but please let me do the thinking. I'll deal with the rat and nobody need get hurt.'

She wasn't listening to me either and went off to get ready for bed. I'd lost the battle, but the war was far from over.


	10. Chapter 10

Honestlyronald kept a closer watch on his rat after that, and opportunities to resolve my quest became harder to find. I considered going to see McGon-yowl, but rejected it. After all, what could I say? There's this animagus hiding in the school but it isn't doing anything and I don't know why its a threat?

Norris didn't want me to say anything either because she didn't want me getting into any more trouble. McGon-yowl had talked to her after she left me and I got the impression it wasn't the first time they'd had such a conversation. I have no idea why, but apparently I hadn't made a good impression on our deputy headmistress. She thought I was a bit of a wide boy, like that was some kind of bad thing to be.

I gave Norris the option and said I'd leave her alone, if that was what she wanted - which I thought was a pretty damned noble thing to do - but she said she wasn't a new born and her eyes were open so we decided to carry on seeing each other.

So, what else was new? Nothing, really, and in its own way that was rather pleasant. I was still getting double breakfast and Fluffy carried on making squiggles. Everything was rather calm and ordered in our little world.

That, in itself, should have been a warning. It's like that time when you're a kitten, and playing nicely with a rolled up sock when - WHAM! - you suddenly find yourself at the V-word having huge great needles stuck into you. Oh, your servant might tell you its all for your own good and inoculations never harmed a cat - but they never volunteer to take your place, do they? Never lead by example, as it were.

It all started fairly innocently. It was one of the days when the kittens didn't have to rush off to lessons. Normally they would lounge around in their beds even longer than me, apart from Fluffy who had got into the habit of getting up and starting on her squiggles straight away - but not today.

They were all up with the lark and chattering away - mad as March hares. I soon found out the reason, when Fluffy brought me breakfast even before the Elf did.

'Now, Crookshanks, I'm going to be going out today, so I won't be able to bring you any lunch. I'll leave some food here for you, though.'

(I'd long since given up trying to get her to call me by my propurr name, as she obviously wasn't listening to me.)

'I can cope, and the quiet will certainly be welcome. Have fun; don't hurry back.'

'I'm going with…Ohron, and I can't believe it! I don't think it's like a date, but you never know!'

'Ah, just hang on there a minute. I'm being left alone, all day, and having to eat food that's been lying around for Sekhmet knows how long so you can go running off with the idiot and enjoy yourself? Does your Mother know about this? I hope you're going to be sensible, young kitten…'

I was wasting my breath, of course. By this time she was already preening herself in front of a mirror. Then, with a giggle and a tickle of my tummy she was gone.

I was so distracted I didn't even notice Panty turning up with second breakfast and I didn't leave my bedroom all morning. Instead I just walked around, noticing how many things had Fluffy's scent on them. I found her nightdress on the bed so I lay there for a while cuddling it. Just before I fell asleep I decided that I really, really didn't like Honestlyronald. He wasn't good enough for her. And he was stupid. And his room smelled, and…well, just everything.

-o0o-

I was awoken rather abruptly when the door smashed open and Fluffy came running in. It was just starting to get dark, and it took me a while to work out where I was.

'Oh, Crookshanks! I've had such a wonderful day!'

She threw herself on the bed, almost bouncing me off it in the process. Then she grabbed me and gave me a hug. She was rather flushed, and breathing heavily. I'm not sure if I wanted to know what she'd been doing to get like that.

'We had such a marvellous time and…Ohron was so funny! We went to all the shops and the Three Broomsticks and the Post Office and…just everywhere! I brought you a present, as well!'

Ooh! A present? For me? She had, too. Some sugar mice, which I'm very partial to. These being magical sugar mice they ran around, as well. What fun!

Then she brought the mood down by telling me, as she got herself changed, that there was a feast tonight as it was Hallowe'en. Was it really? My, how time flies. I've never liked Hallowe'en; we get blamed for all sorts of things and some of the stories I've heard…When I was living out on my own I always used to find somewhere as far away from humans as possible on this night, just to be on the safe side. You can be a very cruel species at times.

So, whilst she went off to enjoy herself I was quite happy to stay in my room, especially as she promised to bring me back a treat. It never turned up, though.

I was having a doze when I thought I heard some kind of commotion downstairs. I assumed it was some kittens getting excited so I didn't bother investigating - just in case.

The next thing I knew my kittens all came rushing in, highly excited, and grabbed their night things. Fluffy picked me up and told me we had to sleep somewhere else tonight. She sounded a bit scared. What was going on?

She carried me down to the Great Hall, where we were joined by all the other kittens in the school. An old man said something which I couldn't really follow and then all the tables disappeared and were replaced by big purrple cushions. Everyone started getting ready to go to sleep, but I wanted to know what was going on. When Fluffy's back was turned I slipped away as I'd seen McGon-yowl. She'd know what it was about, but she rushed off before I got the chance to talk to her. Fortunately, just outside the hall I found Norris.

'What's happening?'

'There's been an attack - in the castle!'

'It's not a basilisk again, is it?'

'No! One of the portraits…you must have seen it! It's the one guarding Gryffindor Tower!'

'No. Fluffy rushed me out. Am I in any danger?'

'They're saying somebody is hunting one of the kittens. The whole school's being searched.' She looked very proud. 'Argus is doing the _dungeons_! He's so brave. I'm going on patrol now. Do you want to come with me?'

'Well…the thing is…I'd love to but…'

'You're not being a scaredy-cat, are you?'

'Me? Of course not! I laugh at danger. I stand in full view of it and shout "Come on, then, Danger! Let's see how you cope with Grr!'

She gave a small sigh. 'Toms! Let's get going then. You can watch my tail.'

'Ding dong! That's the best offer I've had in a long time!'

She swatted me with her paw, whilst trying not to laugh. 'Pack it in! I'm being serious.'

'So am I.'

-o0o-

There isn't much to tell you. Nothing happened - and we didn't find anything dangerous, either. As the new day dawned we headed back to our rooms for a well deserved rest.

The only real outcome of the whole thing was that we got a new guardian for Gryffindor Tower. The least said about him the better; he made Fang look like a Professor. Kept asking me if I could bring him some real grass as the stuff in his frame tasted of paint. His servant was no improvement. I've come to the conclusion that portraits go a bit stir crazy after a while.

That was it, excitement over and it all would have been forgotten about, except…

Well, you'll see.

* * *

_AN: Do I need to tell you who Sekhmet is? I thought not._


	11. Chapter 11

So we all settled down again. I returned to my room with Fluffy and her helpurrs - though to be honest they never seemed to do much for me - and we went back to our routine.

All, that is, apart from Rosemary who spent the next several days screeching every time something moved. I invented a wonderful little game called "Hiding under her bed and grabbing her ankle in the morning" which was absolutely hilarious. You should have seen how high she jumped! I thought that, eventually, I could get her to the ceiling but then Fluffy told me to stop it or she'd put me in my cage at night. Spoilsport.

I was starting to feel a bit penned in, which didn't help, as the weather had definitely taken a turn for the worse. It suddenly got very cold, wet and windy. Whilst it was rather nice to stretch out in front of a log fire before meeting Norris I did miss going out to do a bit of hunting and my emergency supply of voles was starting to get a bit low. If necessary I could lay in a few mice, but I'm partial to a bit of vole; always have been.

But on the up side, at least it meant I didn't meet Fang much and I could get on with my search for the rat. I knew it slept in Honestlyronald's room and I was fairly sure it was now accompanying him to lessons. That meant my best chance to get at it was when they were all asleep, but that was when I was with Norris. Decisions, decisions.

One morning I decided go have a quick look up there before going to bed myself. There was a rare old thunderstorm going on, and I hoped it wouldn't keep me awake. I was quietly edging my way into the room and was very surprised when I met Hairy coming the other way. What was he doing up so early? I was not impressed when he grabbed me by the tail.

'You know, I reckon Ron was right about you' he said.

'Hardly, young tom. The idiot would struggle to be right if you asked him his own name. And I want to know what he's getting up to with my servant.'

He ignored this and proceeded to push me down the stairs.

'There are plenty of mice around this place, go and chase them.'

'Do you honestly think I'd even consider eating that moth eaten pile of…how gauche can you be?'

I left with my tail held high. 'I'll chase mice, alright, and they'll all end up in your shoes.' Stupid boy.

Once again I considered going to McGon-yowl, but decided against it. I needed some proof. So nothing really happened yet again except Honestlyronald, probably tipped off by Hairy, kept an even closer guard on his pretend rat. My quest was not proving as easy as I had thought, but at least something came along to distract me.

-o0o-

Twelve huge trees appeared in the Great Hall. Not any old trees, either. They were Christmas Trees! As every cat knows, Christmas trees are an essential part of the greatest game ever invented - "Rescue me!". It's always been a favourite of mine.

At the first possible opportunity I climbed up the nearest one and carefully made myself comfortable; they're called needles for a reason. Now I was set.

'Help! Help! I'm a poor little cat stuck up a tree!'

Fluffy played her part to purrfection. She came rushing into the Great Hall and said 'Oh Crookshanks, you poor thing! Don't worry; I'll save you!'

She did, too, and gave me a hug and tickled my tummy whilst I made grateful little mewing noises and rubbed my head against her. What fun!

The only problem is that she's got quite a small attention span. The fifth time I "got stuck" she looked at me, said 'You climbed up there, you get yourself down' and walked off. Spoilsport.

I played it a few times with some of the other kittens, but it wasn't the same. Especially the rather backward one who confused _leviosa_ with _levicorpus_. That is not an expurrience I want to repeat in a hurry.

All too soon it was Christmas day itself, and I awoke to find Fluffy bouncing on my bed.

'It's Christmas!' she squeaked, dragging me from my sleep. 'We've got presents; come and see!'

We had, too. She got lots of things, and I hadn't been forgotten. I had some more sugar mice, and some kitty chews (anchovy flavour!) and…ooh! A Mister Mousie with essence of catnip! I love those.

I wasn't too keen on the flea collar she'd got me, though. Silver and tinselly is a little too flamboyant for my taste and it didn't work very well, either.

Problem. In all the rush I hadn't got her anything, but then I had an idea. Although my vole store was running low there was still a rather good one in there I was keeping for a special occasion. It was a sacrifice, but I'm so glad I made it.

You should have seen her reaction when I dropped it on her lap! She was dancing around the room and screaming enough to raise the roof. I can honestly say it was probably the best present she'd ever had, judging by her reaction. I've given her a new one every year since, and she still gets excited!

Then we had to go and see "her boys" - in their room. Maybe she hasn't got a sense of smell. She insisted I wore my new collar, too, which didn't best please me. As a social occasion it was not a great success.

When we got to the boy's room Fluffy dropped me onto a bed whilst she went off to admire their presents. It turned out to be Honestlyronald's bed, and I was sharing it with the rat. Serendipity, indeed.

'Come here, you; I want a word.'

The rat looked at me with big, scared eyes and tried to make a run for it. Why would it do that if it had nothing to hide? I leapt...and all hell broke lose. Fluffy was screaming and the toms were yelling. Honestlyronald even tried to kick me, but I could have had a wash and brush-up and still avoided him. I've seen trees move faster. He couldn't stop in time to avoid his big toe hitting a trunk, though, and started hopping around the room bellowing at the top of his voice which was much, much funnier than it sounds.

Then a sneakoscope fell out of the trunk and started whistling, adding to the general confusion. By this stage Fluffy had grabbed me but I didn't struggle; I was having too much fun watching the show. Humans are hilarious.

Fluffy seemed rather cross with me when we eventually got back to my room and she dropped me on my bed. Well, threw me, actually.

'Crookshanks! I've told you to stop attacking his rat! You know he doesn't like it and he always ends up taking it out on me. Why can't you behave yourself for once? It's almost like you're doing it on purrpose.'

'If you would just listen to me for a moment, my dear...'

But she had already departed, in what can only be described as a marked manner. Mollies, eh?

-o0o-

I dined alone in my room, as Fluffy didn't return. I had smoked salmon to start, with a traditional turkey main course. There was even a little sausage wrapped in bacon - and what looked suspiciously like a sprout. Fortunately, Rosemary had left a pair of shoes behind so I hid it in one of them. Dessert was a dish of cream with some brown sugar in it! Very nice.

Rather full and contented I was just settling down for a doze when Norris burst into the room, her eyes shining with excitement.

'THEY'VE LET THEM LOOSE! THEY'VE LET THEM LOOSE! Come quickly before they all escape!'

I looked at her, wondering what was going on. 'Have you been licking the brandy butter?'

'What? No! The white mice...from the Christmas crackers...they've let them go. We can chase them! Come on!'

I jumped down from the bed. 'White mice? On the loose?'

'Yes!'

'Well, what are you standing around here talking for? Let's go!'

-o0o-

It probably was the best afternoon of my life. We scampurred round the castle chasing mice, but the good bit was when we managed to get some outside. Hunting them against the snow was such fun! (The secret is to look for the eyes.) Of course, it also involved jumping into snow drifts and covering each other with snow which we took turns in brushing off.

Then I spotted a mouse making a break...and leapt. I won't be modest, not on this occasion; I was fantastic. I managed to turn in mid-air, and spiral, before getting it with an outstretched paw.

It was a clean kill, too - no blood. I trotted back to Norris, feeling very smug, and laid it at her feet.

'Merry Christmas.'

'For me?' I nodded and she looked shyly at me. 'We could always share.'

'I like sharing. I want to share everything, with you.' Our eyes met.

I am aware kittens may be reading this so I shall just say that, by the time we got round to eating that mouse, we were both rather hungry again.


	12. Chapter 12

So I had a wonderful Christmas, but I can't say the same for my servant. When I returned to my room after my, ahem, day out with Norris I found Fluffy sat on her bed talking to a book. She didn't look very happy, and I wondered if it was to do with my quest. How could I explain it to her if she'd never listen to me?

I don't think that was the reason she was upset, though, as she patted her bed when I walked in. I'd worked out that was how humans asked you to join them, so I jumped up to join her and she gave me a hug. Then she laid down, still cuddling me. I liked that, because she was warm, and smelt of her and I was very tired.

The next thing I knew it was morning, and Fluffy was already up and dressed. It was still very early as it was hardly light but she left the room, returning shortly with breakfast. Then she was gone again.

I waited for Porky to bring breakfast as well - it would be a shame to disappoint her - then set off for my constitutional. A stroll to the log fire in the communal play area sounded good but it was not to be. When I arrived the only occupants were the two toms, who gave me a rather unfriendly glare. Honestlyronald appeared to put his hands more firmly around something, which I assumed was his rat. Hairy even waved his hands at me and said "shoo." I could take a hint.

The school was incredibly quiet, and I wandered around for a while trying to find either Norris or Fluffy. Obviously I wanted to meet Norris, but I wondered what I was going to say to her. Yesterday was great, but that was then. Now it was, literally, the cold light of day. I was fond of her…and the benefits weren't bad either. I just hoped she didn't want us to "talk about our feelings". I hate that bit.

Anyway I found Fluffy first, as it turned out. She was in this huge room full of books, making squiggles again. That I'm aware of, she stayed there all day not returning to my room until it was time for her to go to sleep. Then, for some reason she sat on the bed and started yowling. I jumped up on her lap and she seemed to like that, so much so that she cuddled me and yowled herself to sleep without even getting changed.

The next few days were the same and I was definitely getting worried about her. The squiggling and talking to books was getting worse and worse, and it wasn't the last time she yowled herself to sleep. The only upside was that it seemed to be that she was avoiding the toms, but I didn't like it when she was unhappy. Apart from anything else the quality of service fell dramatically.

I asked Norris if I should say something to McGon-yowl, but she cautioned me not to. I'll admit that one of the few mistakes I've made was listening to her too much. I assumed she knew more about Hogwarts than me, but on reflection I think she was just frightened of getting into trouble. She told me that, sometimes, kittens were so naughty they were sent away from the school - impelled or something. What if Fluffy's squiggles and yowling were wrong and she got impelled? I'd have to go with her and that would mean leaving everything behind - Norris and the rat.

So I did nothing, and watched Fluffy get more and more yowley. The other thing I didn't like about it was that she started to visit Haggard. I didn't mind him, so much; as I said I thought he showed due respect to me, but she came back reeking of Fang and covered with his drool. She didn't even seem to notice the stench, and expected me to go near her. I suspected that she didn't have a sense of smell.

-o0o-

Speaking of Fang…well, it wasn't, but I thought it was at first. Only it wasn't…

Shall I start again?

I was in the grounds minding my own business when it happened. I could hear something crashing its way through some bushes, and panting. I groaned, and wondered where I could hide to avoid another "conversation". Too late, there he was.

Only, it wasn't Fang. Actually, I would have given anything at that point for it to be him.

It was a Grim. A huge, black, hairy Grim - looking at me. My legs buckled. This was it; I was going to die.

'Please don't. Please, I beg you. I don't want to die; I'm too young to die. Fluffy will miss me, and so will Norris.' I know it wasn't very brave of me, but I was facing my impending doom. That's a pretty major event. 'I'm sorry for whatever it is I've done wrong, and I promise I won't do it again. I'll be a good kitten.'

I went for broke. After all, what did I have to lose? 'Don't kill me. I'm pleading with you. I'm pleading...'

'Oh, shut up you miserable little pleader. I not kill you.'

'You're not? Thank you. Thank you. You are kind and wonde…'

'Quiet. I not much time.'

'Pardon?' What he said sort of made sense, but… 'Why do you talk funny?'

'Verb conjugation hard so I not bother.'

Verbs conjugations are hard? Even Fang can cope with them. I had a little scratch whilst I thought about that one. It wasn't a flea, in case you're wondering; I'm a clean cat. Then I gave a sigh.

'You're not a Grim, are you?' It shook it's head. 'You're not even a dog. You're an animagus.' It nodded. 'Honestly, you can't walk round this place without falling over them. McGon-yowl, the rat…'

I found a very large pair of jaws incredibly close to my head. 'What rat?'

Gulp. 'There's this…sort of rat…ummm, in the school…'

'Where?'

'Gryffindor…Tower. At least, I think it is, but I'm probably wrong. So let's just forget I said anything, shall we? Gosh, is that the time? Well, it's been nice…urrgh!'

The last bit was caused by me being pressed against the ground by a very large paw.

'The rat?'

'Le' 'e u'' It should have come out as "Let me up", but it is rather hard to talk when you can't breathe. Fortunately the grim / dog / animagus / thing understood.

I took a few deep breaths. 'Thank you.'

'You welcome. Now, this rat.'

'Well, like I said there's this animagus rat, in Gryffindor Tower. That's why I'm here.' I struck a dramatic pose. 'I am on a quest to discover the truth.'

'I help you.'

'I don't need any help; I am a familiar. Anyway, why should I trust you? I don't even know your name.'

'I Sirius Black.'

'You cannot be seri…'

'Please. That very old joke.'

'Sorry. I'm not sure - about the help, I mean. I'm a cat and I know you aren't really a dog but…'

_One will arrive shortly who will help you in your quest. Trust him, though he will appear to be your enemy._

I gasped - 'The batty Professor…'

'Who?'

'She said…' I looked up at my new helpurr. 'We need a plan.'


	13. Chapter 13

-1We needed a plan, so it was lucky I was around. Foresight, organisation, imagination and simple downright brilliance are my middle name. Or names, I suppose. We decided to retire to where Siri was staying to discuss the matter further, though he didn't exactly seem keen to make a move. I soon discovered why.

He was living in a place called The Shrinking Sack, or something, which was reached via a tunnel. The Hogwarts end of the tunnel was under a tree I'd managed to avoid so far, as it didn't look particularly friendly. Branches shouldn't wave like that when there isn't any wind. Siri's muzzle took on a slightly grim expression as we approached it.

'Touch knot on trunk. Painful.'

I looked carefully; the branches didn't quite reach to the ground. I put my paw out.

'Fear not, my canine companion. This is a job that requires a certain _élan, _and that just happens to be my middle name.'

Belly flat to the floor I crept forward, whiskers sensing the space around me. I reached the trunk and pressed the knot. The tree froze, and I had to purr in admiration of my own brilliance.

'Shall we?' I tried not to sound too smug, and think I succeeded.

Siri led me through the tunnel until we came across some rooms covered in the dirt and grime of ages.

'Home' he said.

I looked around. 'It has potential. A bit of cleaning here, a devastating fire there.'

'Food?'

'It wouldn't involve polecat, by any chance?'

'No! I well bred.' Then he looked a little embarrassed. 'Raven.'

'So, this plan. I'll create a diversion. You can lead the kittens off, then double back and set up a sub-diversion to confuse them. In the meantime I'll isolate the rat, establishing a sub-sub-diversion whilst keeping an eye on the defensive boundary and you…'

There was a pop, and Siri changed into his human form. To be honest I almost preferred him as a dog. The hair was just as matted and the smell, if anything, was worse.

'For a little cat you have a lot to say. Here's my plan. You get me into Gryffindor Tower and I'll kill the rat.'

I sniffed. 'It has a certain naive charm, I suppose.'

'What did you say?'

I looked at him in confusion. 'I said "It…'

'Speak propurrly; how can I understand you if you're going to start mewing at me?'

'You can't understand me? But just…' One of us was being stupid, and even Fang could work out who.

'Oh Merlin.' He popped back into his dog form. 'Say.'

'Is this any better?'

'Yes.'

We considered each other for a while.

'This is going to be awkward, and I'm being seri…sorry, I mean, I mean that.' I couldn't stop a little smirk appearing on my lips, though. I still thought it was a funny joke. Then something occurred to me.

'Can't any humans understand what I'm saying? Maybe that explains why my servant keeps ignoring me.'

'Humans not…' He pointed to his ear with his paw.

'Oh, please try. Honestly, verbs are not that difficult although I have heard that lemmings have trouble with the Future Purrfect Continuous. Still, I suppose when you're standing on the edge of a cliff that isn't going to be a major concern is it?'

'Difficult for me.'

'So, tell me, why are you after the rat?'

A low growl escaped his throat, and he looked quite fierce. 'He traitor. Friends…he kill friends...and me. 12 years in Azkaban.' He regarded me solemnly. 'Azkaban, yes?'

I'd heard of it, of course. That's where naughty kittens who don't listen to their mothers, or keep their faces nice and clean, get sent. The guards are Dobermans, and there's no milk - even at Christmas.

'Humans get sent to Azkaban as well?' I was surprised; I didn't know that. 'What naughty things did you do?'

Siri popped back into his human form and sunk to the floor. 'I trusted him. I trusted the rat with a secret that killed my best friends. Then he trapped me and I got the blame for it. You must help me get revenge; not just for me but for my friends. For Hairy; he's my god's son,'

I almost did a back flip. Hairy? Surely not Fluffy's tom? I wasn't sure what he meant by "god's son" either. If it was Hairy, and he was the son of a god, then shouldn't he be a cat? Maybe Siri was rambling; he didn't look very well.

'Will you help me, little cat?' There was a note of despurration in his voice.

The reason why I was here on my quest was to find out why the rat was hiding. I'd done that now, so why was it my concern any more? But, on the other paw, it had been naughty and had got Siri into trouble. That didn't seem right. Twelve years was a long time to go without any milk.

I mewed and rubbed my head against him. He seemed to understand.

'Thank you' he said, simply. 'Now, I must rest. Can you find your way back and not get lost? Press the knot on the way out.' Then he shut his eyes and fell asleep.

Could I find my way back without getting lost? Who did he think I was? I've never lost my way. I've never lost anything. Unlike those three stupid kittens I always knew where my mitten was. I used to love playing with it. I'd pretend it was a mouse and stalk it and…sorry, I digress.

-o0o-

I was making my way back to Gryffindor Tower, deep in thought, when I saw a light shining from Haggard's hovel. This will show you how purrplexed I was; I decided to ask Fang for advice.

The door was slightly ajar when I arrived, so I slinked my way in. The first surprise was that Fluffy was sitting at the table. She was yowling again and Haggard was patting her head.

'There, there, Her-meow-meow' he was saying. 'It'll all work out, you'll see. You three 'ave been friends for too long for this to last. Oh, look! Here's yer cat come to find you. Clever animal he is; almos' as clever as my Fang.'

The only word Fang recognised in the whole speech was his name, but it was enough to get him thumping his tail on the floor and drooling. What had I been thinking?

Fluffy seemed pleased to see me, though, so I jumped up onto her lap and let her hug me. Fang bounded over.

''Ello, Flocci! 'ave you come to play? Shall we go outside and hide?'

'Why would I want to hide?'

'So they can't find us!'

'And then what?'

That threw him. He said 'Err' a few times. Was this even worth wasting breath on?

'Look, Fang, I need some advice.' The stupid mutt sat up straight and tried to make himself look intelligent, but I couldn't wait that long. 'I need to get…something into Gryffindor Tower without any of the humans seeing. Have you …' I knew I was going to regret this, 'got any ideas?'

He wandered around the hovel, and scratched, and had a drink of water. Then he did a bit more wandering. You could almost hear his brain creaking like an old tree in a gale. Suddenly his ears pricked up and my anticipation levels rose to…nil.

'You need a big rock, and when I say big, I mean big. Like really big.'

'Carry on,' I said, more in hope than expectation.

'Then you need a bird, a big bird, and when I say big, I mean…'

'Unfortunately, I think I'm starting to get the picture. Is this bird…'

'Big bird.'

'…going to carry the rock…'

'Big rock.'

'…and drop it on the Tower?'

Fang looked impressed. 'You're certainly sharp, aren't you? Sharpurr than a…sharp thing. You've got it in…whatever that number is you get things in. Then, all you have to do is carry the thing you want to get into Gryffindor Tower through the hole left by the rock. The big rock. That was carried by the bird. The big bird.'

How could I let him down gently? 'You don't think a huge great rock smashing through a wall might cause a bit of a kerfuffle?'

He gave me a knowing smile. 'Here's the clever part. You do it at night, when they're all asleep. Then they won't see it, 'cause they'll have their eyes shut!'

I sighed. 'I'll start looking for a rock tomorrow.'

'Make sure it's a big one.'

Fortunately, Fluffy stood up at that point and thanked Haggard for talking to her.

Arr, now, tha's alright, and you know it. Come down 'ere anytime and bring yer cat with yer. ''Im and Fang gets on like an 'ouse on fire.'

At the mention of his name Fang got all excited again, resting his head on Haggard's knee and staring up in an adoring way.

'You haven't got a clue what he said, have you?' I asked.

Fang gave me a soppy grin. 'My name; that's enough. He loves me and feeds me. I live with a god.'

'Say "Goodnight" to the nice man, Fluffy, and please get me out of here.'


	14. Chapter 14

You may be surprised to hear that I didn't stay awake all night weighing up the pros and cons of Fang's "plan". I decided to come up with something else. The obvious solution was to get through the door guarded by the portrait. Obvious isn't the same as simple.

The next day, when all the kittens had gone to their lessons, I walked up to it and nodded to the pony. 'Sorry,' I said, 'I forgot to bring you any grass. I'll remember next time, though.'

He shrugged, looking world weary, and I felt a little bit bad about lying to him.

'So, are you going to open up for me?'

He nodded towards his servant. 'You have to ask him, not me.'

'Thank you. Excuse me, good Sir Knight,' I called out, 'may I…purrchance…gain egress through your…thine…most gracious portal?'

He looked at me for a long time. 'What you talking like that for?'

I had to think about that one. 'I…isn't that how knights spoke.'

He pushed his visor up onto his head and leant on his sword. 'You thought I was a real knight? Oh dear me, that's a good one! You reckon the bloke what painted this could afford to hire a propurr knight as a model? He was an amateur; look at the brush work on this armour.' He leaned forward and whispurred conspiratorially. 'And Dobbin, he isn't even a real pony. Look closely; he's a donkey painted bay.'

I was shocked. 'But I've heard you. It's all "odd bodkins" and "gadzooks" and…'

'Well, I like to put on a bit of an act, you know; take some pride in my work. I'm Seth, by the way; I was a stable lad.'

'Lad?'

He looked away. ' I was happy in my work, never pushed for promotion.'

'Anyway…have you ever met Fang? I think you'd like him. Now, how do I get you to open?'

'You need the password.'

'Fine. What is it?'

'The password?'

'Yes.'

He winked at me. 'A secret.'

I drew myself up to my full height. 'A secret!' I declaimed. 'Oh, why haven't you opened?'

'No. No. No.' He started chuckling. '"A secret". Now, that was funny though, that was; I'm almost tempted to let you in. Best laugh I've had in years. The password isn't "a secret", it's a secret.'

'One of us isn't making sense, and I think it may be you.'

He sighed, and scratched his…he scratched himself. 'The password…is a word which is a secret word known only to me and people who are allowed to know the secret…word.'

'Well, I want to know it, so what is it?'

He grinned. 'A secret.'

I was getting a little frustrated. 'So tell me it!'

'I can't because then it wouldn't be a secret, would it? Like I said, I may be a humble stable lad, but I take pride in my work. It's an important job, this is. I'm responsible for all those little ones in there. Anyway, you don't need to know the password because you can get through the wall.'

'Maybe, sometimes, I just fancy using the door,' I replied innocently.

'Oh, right. And you think I'm going to give you the password you so can wake me up at all hours of the morning after you've been out on the tiles? Pull the other one; its got bells on.'

I could hear him laughing as I walked down the corridor, my tail held high. I had a feeling his frame might just become my new favourite scratching post.

I know what you're thinking. Why didn't I just sit by the portrait, wait for somebody to go through and listen to them? Because it didn't occur to me, that's why. Happy?

-o0o-

Norris stopped walking so suddenly that it took me a few paces to realise .

'A kitty chew for your thoughts?' she asked. For some reason she tried to make the question sound bright and cheerful, but it didn't quite work.

'Sorry, I'm not being very good company today, am I?'

She watched a fly buzzing along the corridor for a while. 'Do you want me to go?'

'Look, it's not you; it's me.'

She turned her back on me, said 'Like I've never heard that one before' and started yowling.

Can somebody please explain what I'd said that was so wrong? It wasn't her, honest! I decided I'd better make her feel better, so I rubbed my head against her.

'Don't yowl.'

'You've met somebody, haven't you?'

That was the day I learned there was a _**right**_ answer to a question and a _**correct**_ answer to a question, because I said 'Yes' – which was completely wrong, apparently. I'd have to try and hide my ear from Fluffy this time, or she'd keep me in again.

'Norris! What was that for – this time?'

'If you don't know then I feel sorry for you. Go on, run off to your little Bombalurina; I hope she makes you happy.'

'Bom...? NO! Its nothing like that; its not even a molly.'

She gave me a very strange look. 'Pardon?'

'Its not like that either! Look...it's to do with my quest, but I'm not sure if I should tell you.'

The face started to crumple. 'You don't trust me.'

Oh Tezcatlipoca! What had got into her today? 'I don't...? Look, I need to do something that I probably shouldn't and, if it goes wrong, I don't want you getting impelled.'

'You don't...? Because you care about me?' Then she was all over me, and yowling again.

'Of course I care about you, you silly...Yes, I care about you. You know that. Now please stop, or McGon-yowl will come to investigate the noise.'

I thought it might be an idea if we went outside. It was a dry day and we found a ledge out of the wind and curled up together. That was nice.

'Gorgeous? Even if you can't tell me, I could still help a little bit, couldn't I?'

'Well...there is one thing; how do I get through the portrait hole into Gryffindor Tower?'

She shrugged and wriggled closer to me. I was quite pleased about that until I noticed the sun had gone in and I was on the windward side. She was using me to keep warm!

'You need the password' she said.

'I know, but I don't know what it is. Do you?'

She shook her head. 'If I need to get in there the castle opens up a stone for me.'

I pulled back a bit and tapped her on the nose. 'When we first met you told me you weren't a familiar.'

She gave me a slightly sad smile. 'I not, not really, am I? I can't be if Argus is a squib. I don't mind.'

'Hey!' I tapped her nose again. 'He sounds like a good servant and, if the castle lets you in, it knows who you really are.'

'You don't mind...about him...and me working...'

'You're making sure the kittens behave themselves. That makes you as important as McGon-yowl, I reckon!'

She meeped at that one, and said 'Get on with you!'. Then she snuggled in closer, and this time it wasn't to get out of the wind.

So, I was still no closer to getting Sirius into Gryffindor Tower. There had to be some way unless...I could get the rat out.

-o0o-

It was quiet in Gryffindor Tower, as the kittens were all off at dinner. I sneaked up to the tom's room. Perhaps there would be some clues as to where the rat hid out, or slept. It would would all be useful information I could pass on to Sirius for when I eventually got him in here.

Or, maybe I wouldn't need to. There, sat on the bed and stuffing his fat little face with crumbs was...my target. He hadn't seen me.

I dropped to the floor, both ears, both eyes and all 30 whiskers – it comes from being part Kneazle – facing forward.

Slowly, Gorgeous, slowly. Watch each paw step. Avoid that piece of parchment. Every fibre of my being worked in perfect harmony. I stopped breathing.

Now I was close. The muscles in my legs bunched.

I sprang.

* * *

_AN_

_Bombalurina is one of the Jellicle cats, from T S Eliot via Andrew Lloyd Webber_

_Tezcatlipoca? I'm sure you can guess by now._


	15. Chapter 15

I think humans sometimes imagine there is something magical about a cat when it pounces, that time must slow down for us or we can defy the rules that govern our world.

No. It is simply skill achieved through lots and lots of practice. Even now Fluffy calls me "cruel" when I "play with my food," as she puts it. Things can change, and me "playing" might be the difference between me eating tomorrow, and going hungry. It's happened before and it could happen again.

Time doesn't slow down, but I am acutely aware of everything I am doing. My eyes stay firmly fixed on the neck and my paws are ready to grab; the claws are fully out, obviously. The only bit I don't concentrate on is my tail. That seems to know what its doing, so who am I to interfere?

I wasn't going for a kill, not this time. I just wanted to get my claws into it, and teeth into its neck enough so it wouldn't get away. Then I'd take it to Siri, and he could sort it out from there.

So there I was, flying through the air towards my target and my quest was as good as over. Then the flaw in my plan started to appear before my eyes, and was getting bigger and bigger.

It wasn't a rat I was hunting, of course; it was an animagus – who was now turning into a human rather quickly and I was aiming for its back, not its neck. This was not good.

I had two choices. I could either retract the claws and try to bounce, or leave them out and hold on. I went for the second on the basis that I was springing away from the door and I didn't want to get cornered. It became a case of hanging on until I could make an escape, as I decided I was better off behind him than in front of him.

He wasn't much of a human, to look at. He was quite chubby, and his hair was definitely thin but he wasn't stupid either. His first reaction was to try slamming into a wall, and I only just shifted in time. I think he might have made a bit of a mess of me if I hadn't. Fortunately he only managed to wind himself.

Then he decided to use his paws – hands. You've got quite flexible shoulder joints, haven't you? I'd never noticed before. And those opposable digits come in useful, too. I have to use my rear leg to reach in between my shoulders, but you can do it with the front ones.

He managed to reach round and grab hold of me, pulling out quite a bit of hair in the process. He was trying to pull me off of himself and I couldn't let that happen. Once he got me in front of him I knew I was a goner. So, I let go with one paw and gave him the full five claws and this time I meant it. In – push – drag.

His hands let go and I was pleased to see how much blood I'd got out of him. Whilst he was still screaming I let go and ran like a bat out of hell. I didn't stop until I was back in my room as something convinced me he wouldn't be able to follow there.

I'll admit it; I was scared. I went to Fluffy's bed and lay shaking on her night-dress whilst waiting for my heart to slow down. As mother had found out, you don't fight things that are much bigger than yourself.

However, if I was hoping for a bit of sympathy from my servant, or even maybe a cuddle, I was to be sorely disappointed.

-o0o-

I almost did a back flip when she crashed into the room, slamming the door behind her.

'Oh, you've done it now, haven't you, you stupid cat?'

'Ummm...?'

'AND GET OFF MY BED!'

Once more I found myself airborne. Fortunately my tail was still wide awake and I landed paws down. She threw herself on the bed and started yowling. Something told me I'd upset her.

But how? Had Rosemary finally got round to finding the sprout I'd left in her shoe at Christmas?

I walked back to Fluffy and gave her an enquiring mew. She turned and glared at me.

'I TOLD YOU! I told you to leave his rat alone, but you had to go and eat it, didn't you? Now he'll never talk to me again! Never!'

She threw herself back on the bed and started yowling even harder, saying 'Ohron, I'm sorry' over and over.

Seeing as she worked for me I didn't think I actually _owed_ her an explanation, but she did bring me breakfast every morning. Then I remembered what Siri said, and she couldn't understand me anyway. I tried jumping up onto the bed and rubbing my head against her, but she just pushed me away.

I suppose, for balance, I should tell you that she remained loyal in front of Honestlyronald, and I heard her say on several occasions that I probably hadn't killed his rat, but it has just run off. It was no more than I expected, but was still nice to hear.

I decided to go, as I wanted to tell Siri what had happened before meeting Norris. I didn't necessarily like leaving her yowling, but there wasn't much point staying if she was being so irrational; especially with her not being able to speak cat. Maybe if I could arrange a meeting with Siri he could explain it to her. That seemed best.

-o0o-

Just to summarise the situation for you. I still couldn't get Siri into Gryffindor Tower. I'd not only failed to catch the animagus, but had now made very clear to it that I was on the hunt and Fluffy was upset at me because she thought I'd eaten it.

Still, look on the bright side; things could be worse.

Siri didn't seem particularly bothered that I might have tipped off the rat he was being hunted. Once you got past his mangled vocabulary he was actually quite intelligent - for a human. He thought it might be a good thing the rat was concentrating on me, as it might not be looking out for anybody else. That was my idea in the first place, obviously.

I'd taken to meeting him of an evening, just as it was getting dark, to update him with any information I had. We met just on the edge of the forest, as it was far preferable to his house. He never got round to cleaning it up, despite my less than subtle hints.

Our main topic of conversation was still how to get him into the tom's room. I had my suspicions that the rat was still visiting it and I was convinced he was sleeping there. His scent still lingered, though it was stronger in the mornings than evenings.

It made sense; at night he would feel protected by the toms, but he made himself scarce during the day when they were at lessons.

I'd hit another problem, too. Seth – Sir Cardigan as he insisted I call him now – had let power go to his head. His "pride in his work" had become an obsession.

I eventually stumbled on the idea I should have had originally of waiting for one of the kittens to say the password, whilst I hid close by. I went for my morning constitutional very pleased with myself and returning in time for lunch, as usual.

I walked up to his portrait. 'Murklins' I said. Nothing happened. 'Se...Sir Cardigan, I've just given you the password. Open up.'

'No,' he said, winking.

'But I gave you the password.'

'Ah, now, you did – and you didn't. You gave me the password for this morning, but it isn't morning any more, is it?'

'So what's the password now?'

He gave me that grin again, the one I really hate. 'A secret.'

I went in through the stone, and made my way up to my room. This was getting silly. It was only when Fluffy came in with lunch I realised I could have waited for her and heard what the new word was.

Still, too late now. I jumped off the bed anyway and went over to her. She put the plate down, but didn't give me a stroke, even though I was rubbing against her leg. 'Hmmm,' she said, and left. I think she still hadn't got over the rat thing. She hadn't given me a cuddle or tickled my tummy for ages now.

Right, new plan. I'd try to get back to being her friend tonight by staying by her and keeping her entertained. Honestlyronald and Hairy didn't sit by her any more so she sat all alone making her squiggles. It couldn't be much fun, so if I was nice to her she might tell me the password by accident.

It didn't happen like that. Fluffy was far too intelligent to give away a secret by accident. What I needed was somebody stupid, stupider even than Honestlyronald.

Have you met Novel?


	16. Chapter 16

The toms were nowhere to be seen, which was good. I jumped up onto the seat next to Fluffy and gave her my most appealing look, the one that says "I know I'm special but, as its you, I'll allow you to love me". She didn't. So I rolled onto my back and made little mewing noises until she looked at me. She said 'Hmmm' and gave a little smile and then she reached down to tickled my tummy, so I knew she wanted to be my friend again.

I jumped onto her lap and curled up nicely. I didn't try to stalk her quill tip, or attack her shoe laces. I just lay there, occasionally giving her a prod when she forgot to stroke me.

Then, in walked Novel. He shared the same room as Honestlyronald, Hairy, Shameless and Din. I suppose I should tell you something about him as he's quite important to the next bit of the story.

In those days he was rather like a human version of Fang. There was no harm in him, really, but you were always aware of where he was in a room because, if he decided to move, you didn't want to be near him. He could drop things that couldn't be dropped, and walk into things that couldn't be walked into.

Rather worryingly, he was also a servant. Fortunately his master was a toad, so the less Novel did for Lightning (amphibians have a different view of the world) the better. He'd probably try to feed him wasps.

He flopped down into the chair I'd recently occupied – and I was glad I'd moved as there was no guarantee he would have seen me if I'd still been there.

'How do, Herm-meow-meow?' he said, sounding a bit sad.

'Have you been in the library all this time?' she asked. 'You're very late back.'

'Naw' he replied. 'I forgot t'password...again. I had to wait for someone to come along and let me in. I hate those passwords. Why does he have to keep changing them?'

'Oh dear, ' she said, sympathetically. 'Can't your Remembrall help you?'

There was a pause. 'I've forgotten where I put it.' Fluffy suddenly had a coughing fit, for some reason, and had to blow her nose.

'You know what?' he announced. 'I've decided I'm going to write t' passwords down on a bit o' parchment, then I can't forget them.'

'Oh, I'm not sure about that, Novel. What if, and I'm not saying you would, but what if you lost it?'

'I thought o' that' he said, sounding very proud of himself. 'I'm going to call it "Odd words that don't mean nothing important" then, if anyone found it, they wouldn't think it were anything special! I'm going to ask Shameless what they are' and off he walked, bumping into two chairs and falling over a little kitten on the way.

This is the same Novel who is now considered a hero, and a very important tom. So there's hope for all of you.

-o0o-

The room was dark and quiet when I entered. Well, when I say quiet, they were asleep. Honestlyronald, Hairy and Din were snoring, Shameless was serenading them with a "trumpet voluntary" and Novel was talking in his sleep. I would never have imagined he thought about Professor McGon-yowl in that way. But, never mind, because next to his bed was the piece of parchment I'd seen him with earlier.

I crept over like a church mouse to see what he'd done. My plan was to tell Siri all about it so that we could get him in to Gryffindor Tower, but I was to be disappointed. It wasn't the passwords at all; just a lot of squiggles like the ones Fluffy made. Stupid boy. I didn't know what to do next.

I decided to take the parchment anyway and show it to Siri, maybe he could do something with it. I picked it up and took it back to my room, hiding it under my pillow until I met up with Siri the following evening.

-o0o-

We met, as usual, in a shrubbery by the forest. It saved me having to go to his house. I dropped the piece of parchment in front of him and explained what had happened. He popped back into his human form and picked it up, his eyes getting bigger and bigger.

'Little cat, this is purrfect! Just what I've been looking for.'

'Is it? I mean, obviously it is; that's why I got it. So what is it?' He looked at me purrplexed, then switched back and I repeated my question.

'Passwords for Gryffindor Tower, all week!' He wrapped his paws around me to give me a hug, which was quite nice apart from the smell. 'You genius.'

'I know. So what do we do now?'

'Tomorrow night me in school...'

'How are you going to get in?'

'Secret, then Pettigrew.' He gave a growl which was really quite fierce. I'm glad he was on my side.

'Good plan. And my part in it is...?

'See if rat there, say to me...then go.'

'So..you don't want my help?' I felt a bit...cheated.

'You help lot. Stay safe, little cat.'

'Well, I suppose. I'll make sure Norris isn't around in case...urk!'

Once again I found a large paw pressing me to the ground. 'Quiet!' he whispurred. 'People.'

I wriggled free and went to investigate, then crept back to him. Completely silent, obviously.

'Don't worry,' I whispurred. 'It's only two of the toms. One of them looks after the rat, and he's with Hairy.'

Siri's eyes became very bright in the moonlight and he let out a whine that sounded almost painful. I'd forgotten how he felt about Hairy.

'Look, I know you worship his father, but I don't think he should see you. Stay here and be quiet.' I moved away but stopped when I heard him whine again, so I turned back.

'It's for the best. I'll wait for you tomorrow . You know the alcove by Gryffindor Tower?' he nodded. 'I'll see you there, just before midnight.'

The toms were getting closer so I had to hurry and distract them. I started scrabbling round in a pile of dead leaves until I heard them stop, and then stepped out so they could see me. I gave Honestlyronald my most contemptuous smirk, the one that said "Actually, he was quite delicious".

He bent down to pick up a stone. Yeah, like he even stood a chance! Even so, I made off – away from Siri – just in case he got lucky. I could hear him ranting behind me.

'...probably washing down Scabbers with a couple of birds...'

When I first met molly Molly I'd been quite impressed with her, but now I had my doubts. Had she just dragged her children up with no learning at all? Red meat _**before**_ fowl?

See, I told you he wasn't good enough for Fluffy; she's far more _bien-pensent_.

-o0o-

Humans! You can't rely on them. Normally they troop off to bed at a reasonable hour and by midnight they're all fast asleep. But, the ONE day I needed them to be...

The play area in Gryffindor Tower was still full of kittens all mewing at once, and eating and drinking. The noise was incredible.

Only Fluffy was quiet, sat on her own in a corner pretending to talk to a book, only she wasn't. She kept looking across at Honestlyronald, who was ignoring her. I wanted to tell her to stop wasting her time, that he wasn't worth it...but I knew now that she couldn't understand me.

Then the idiot – as if to prove my point – made some stupid comment about his rat and she rushed off, yowling. When I finally caught up with it I decided I was going to prove I hadn't eaten it by shoving up his...showing it to him.

Now I was in a dilemma. On the one paw, always look after the staff. On the other...I needed to know when the kittens were in bed so that Siri could get in.

Siri! We agreed to meet just before midnight, so I had to get out to warn him to stay hidden. Then I had to make sure Norris was otherwise occupied because I had a feeling that if she ran across a huge, strange dog by accident I might not get a chance to explain things before she raised the alarm.

So, all I needed to be was in three places at once. On the face of it, a bit of a challenge.


	17. Chapter 17

'Siri? Siri?'

His voice came from somewhere along the corridor. 'Here!'

'Where?'

'Here.'

'Why are you there? I told you to wait here.'

'I am here.'

'No. I'm here and you aren't here with me, so you must be there.'

'But if I there, then I not here.' He gave a laugh which sounded far too self-satisfied. Nobody likes a smarty cat.

'Just stay!' I made my way along to the tapestry he was hiding behind. 'Right, the kittens are still up for some reason...'

He gave me a soppy smile. 'Win Quidditch Ravenclaw! You see match?'

'Quidditch? Oh, of course; it was the highlight of my day. Fourteen idiots chasing a pretend bird around the sky. I can watch it for...seconds – then my brain starts to dissolve.'

'Hairy play, he good. Ohron, too.'

'_Quelle surprise._ Anyway, stay here until I come for you, I've got a job to do.'

'Job?'

'Distracting a molly.' He gave a rather juvenile snigger. 'It's not like that.' Then I smirked. 'Well...I may be some time!'

'Happy hunting!'

-o0o-

'Gorgeous! Meow I've missed you!' Norris rubbed her head against me and gave a deep rumble in her chest. That was normally a very, very good sign. Damn!

'I've missed you too. Look, I've just remembered...I've got a present for you.'

'Meww! I love presents! Where is it?'

'Oh Ccoa strike me down! I've left it in my room. I'll go and get it; you stay here and don't move.'

'I don't want you to go' she purred.

'Just hold the thought; wash your face and I'll be back as soon as I can.'

-o0o-

The kittens were still up! I thought I'd better keep Siri informed before heading back to Norris. He was quite happy to have a lie down, saying the familiar smells of the school were comforting, so I started back to the fourth floor corridor where I'd left Norris – to give her the "present".

Present! I supposed I'd have to bring something with me or she'd get suspicious. Right, I'll just pop up to my room and grab a vole for her. It shouldn't take a moment.

-o0o-

'Oh, Crookshanks! I'm so pleased to see you! Come and give me a cuddle.'

'Hello, Fluffy. I'd forgotten about you. Look, the thing is...have you been yowling again? Fine, I'll give you a quick cuddle then I really must go.'

I let her hug me then tried to wriggle away, but she gripped me harder.

'Fluffy! I must go. I've got to see a molly about a dog.' I sighed. 'I'll be back as soon as I can.'

I heard her sob as I left the room. Brilliant! Now I had guilt to contend with, as well.

I popped my head around the tapestry to tell Siri some of the kittens were starting to yawn, and I'd be back as soon I could. Muggles have a thing called a "tape record", or something. It would have come in handy that night.

-o0o-

Norris skipped over to me as soon as she saw me, positively chirruping with delight.

'A present for me!' She gave me a shy look. 'We could always share. You know what sharing food leads to, don't you?'

Somewhere up there, a god was laughing so hard it must have been wetting itself. I wanted to cry.

'Norris, the thing is...' What? Come on, think. 'Fluffy isn't well, so I'd better just go and check on her – look after the staff and all that. I'll be back as...yeah.'

-o0o-

The communal play area was definitely quieter now and, even better, as I entered Professor McGon-yowl was sending the rest upstairs.

Right, I probably just had enough time to check on Fluffy. I raced up the seven flights of stairs and peeped around the door. At least it wasn't hysterical yowling, just a gentle sobbing into her pillow. She'd have to cope as I had other fish to eat.

I ran back down the stairs and had to have a little rest at the bottom to catch my breath. Don't laugh; none of us are getting any younger.

-o0o-

'Siri, the path's clear we can...Siri?'

Where had he gone? I eventually found him in the next corridor, looking at the portraits.

'What are you doing?'

'Memories,' he said, his eyes a little bright and his face full of longing.

'As upset as I am at having to break up the school reunion, we do have a rat to catch. Come on, it's time.'

He picked a knife up from behind the tapestry, using his teeth, and I have to say my heart gave a slight lurch. Suddenly it stopped being a noble quest. Still, too late to back out now.

At Sir Cardigan's portrait he stopped. 'I need human form now. Thank you. Anything wrong, you go...run. Stay safe, little cat.'

I rubbed my head against his. 'Gorgeous and Siri working as a team; what could possibly go wrong? Come on.'

He popped back to his human form and started saying the passwords using Novel's list of squiggles. How did he do that?

At the fourth one – arquebus – Sir Cardigan gave a low bow. 'Prithee enter, good Sir!' I just shook my head.

It was dark inside the play area and Siri had problems finding his way around obstacles, although he seemed to know where he was going.

When we got to the tom's room I went in first to check they were all asleep. I sighed with relief when I realised they were and, even better, I could smell the rat hiding under the bed. I would chase him out and Siri could do the rest. With any luck I could be curled up with Norris in less time than it takes to pluck a sparrow.

I mewed gently to Siri to tell him the coast was clear and positioned myself next to Honestlyronald's bed so he'd know which one to go for. He approached quietly and everything was going to plan, amazingly. All he had to do now was avoid the shoes left in the middle of the floor, and we could get started.

He didn't avoid the shoes left in the middle of the floor.

With a rather strangled "Urk!" he pitched forward, grabbing whatever he could to keep himself upright. Unfortunately, that was the curtains around the bed, which ripped from their hangings.

In other circumstances the look on Honestlyronalds's face as he awoke to find himself staring at a man holding a knife would have been hilariously funny, but this was not other circumstances.

We had been, to use the vernacular, rumbled.

'Run!' Siri shouted, and I didn't need telling twice.

When I got to the stairs I thought I'd try something different, and faced the wall.

'Come on, castle, I'm a familiar.' The stones melted away and I found myself on the landing leading to my room. I could hear Siri slamming the portrait shut as he left, even as the shouts and screams started echoing around the tom's side of the tower.. We tried, I suppose, and at least Siri got away. There would be other opportunities..

-o0o-

By the time I got back down stairs again McGon-yowl was there and giving Honestlyronald a hard time. He was coming out with some _ridiculous_ story about being "attacked in his bed". Who'd believe him?

Then, to everyone's amazement, he came up with a sensible idea, and suggested getting Sir Cardigan to back him up. Avoiding Novel's eye I discretely made my exit. Once outside I leant against the wall and gave a sigh. I thought I deserved a bit of a lay down and...Norris!

-o0o-

'Hi! Sorry, she was worse than I thought...had to do a bit of checking out on her.'

She rubbed her head against me. 'I don't mind. I like it that you're so kind and considerate to your servant; I'd do the same for Argus.'

Sometimes I'm _almost_ ashamed of myself.

'So, where's the vole we were going to share...amongst other things.'

She gave an embarrassed little shrug. 'You were gone a long time, and it looked so delicious - I ate it. Sorry!'

I gave a rumbling purr. 'That's not a problem. Saves a bit of time really; we can move straight on to...dessert.'

'Oh Gorgeous...'

'What?'

'Well, I've just eaten, and it is getting rather late.' She put a paw on my face. 'I'll see you tomorrow, yes? Sweet dreams.'

-o0o-

As I made my way slowly back to Gryffindor Tower I thought I heard...yes, there it was again...giggling in the sky.

* * *

AN: Ccoa is _another_ cat deity, who controls lightning. No, not the toad...that would just be silly, wouldn't it?


	18. Chapter 18

All I wanted to do the next morning was sleep – then maybe rage against the injustice of the world when I eventually woke up – but I didn't get the chance. Fluffy dragged me back into the realm of the living by giving me a rather crushing hug.

And another thing, why is it you humans lose the ability to construct a sentence when you're upset? Not only was I being slowly suffocated in her arms, but I had to listen to her trying to talk.

'Cr...Cr...Cr...Crookshanks...It's terr...terr...terrible. Oh...Oh...Oh...Ohron...He...he...he was att...att...att..'

'Attacked?'

'...attacked in his be...be...be...'

'Bed. Not only do I know the real story, my dear, but it would be far quicker for me to tell you the made-up version you're stumbling through, anyway.' Not that she was listening, of course.

'...bed, by Si...Si...Si...'

I lay back and shut my eyes; it was going to be a long morning.

To save you a large portion of your life she eventually got out that Honestlyronald had almost been murdered and everyone was terrified (you can imagine the time it took her to say that), and that security was being tightened all over the school.

Then came the yowling as she told me that she couldn't even give him a hug to make him feel better because he still wasn't talking to her – he still thought I'd eaten his rat - and what if he was killed before they made up and he died without knowing that he was special to her?

You know what made it worse? I'd not even had ONE breakfast yet.

Eventually, she got round to thinking about ME for a few minutes and I finally got something to eat before she rushed off for the day, just in time for Punky to bring the second course.

After that I decided it really was time I investigated this increased security, and what effects it might have on our plans. I discovered things were not looking good.

For a start the large lady was back as doorkeeper, only now she had trolls to protect her. The trouble with trolls is that they love cats. In fact, I'd go as far as to say we're their favourite delicacy, so I'd have to find a new way in and out of Gryffindor Tower..

Incidentally, I did run across Seth eventually, stuck up on a lonely corridor on the seventh floor, and felt a bit bad about my part in his downfall as he seemed rather depressed.

'I made a bit of a rooster up' he told me, sadly.

'A rooster up?'

'Yeah, like a cock up, but bigger. Took the instructions too literally, you see. "Don't let anyone in without the password" the high-ups told me. Well, he had the password, didn't he?' He leant on his sword, pushing his visor up onto his head. 'I suppose, in hindsight, I should have realised...still, too late now, isn't it?' I nodded and made sympathetic noises.

Dobbin pulled up a clump of grass and began to chew. 'It still tastes of paint,' he said.

I made my excuses and left.

-o0o-

Siri didn't seem too worried about the changes going on in the school, saying that they'd never find the way he was getting in anyway, not that it probably mattered now as he doubted the rat would risk going back. You know, he was quite smart for a human, which made me wonder why he'd chosen to take a dog as his animagus form. Why not something that reflected his intelligence like, oh I don't know, a cat?

He said that it was easier being a large animal around his friends, who could get a bit boisterous on occasions. He wouldn't enlighten me further, and just gave a smile. That was a strange thing about him; his smiles were never happy. They were the sort of smile that made me think if he wasn't doing that he'd be yowling.

Talking of yowling...

Fluffy was going from bad to worse. She was miserable all the time, and her eyes were making her look like a panda. It seemed that her life consisted of nothing more than making squiggles, talking to books and hugging me for the few seconds there were between her getting into bed and falling asleep.

I knew things weren't right, and even started to feel a bit guilty about her bringing me food. The elf could have dealt with it all, but Fluffy seemed to like the job so...

She never delegated any of it to her assistants either. Rosemary and Parvenue, remember? I honestly can't work out why they needed to stay in my room as they did absolutely nothing for me. Parvenue would give me a stroke occasionally but Rosemary – nothing. She even used to make a big thing about getting my hairs off her clothes - I can't think how so many of them ended up there.

The only person – in the loose sense of the word – Fluffy seemed to talk to during that time was Haggard. She'd take me along as well, having been convinced that Fang was my "little friend". That was how I got to meet Gordon, so I suppose I'd better tell you something about him.

-o0o-

It was a non-lesson day and Fluffy was making squiggles in my room, as she didn't like going to the communal play area if Honestlyronald and Hairy were around. All of a sudden she gave a huge sob and threw her book to the floor – which was very unusual. Then she grabbed me and announced we were going to see Haggard.

We were walking over there when Fang spotted us and came bounding across. I jumped up onto Fluffy's shoulder to avoid the worst of his breath. He gave me that stupid grin.

'So, you got your "something" into Gryffindor Tower then? I told you my idea would work.'

'I didn't use the rock in the end.' He looked a bit disappointed so I thought I'd better humour him. 'Couldn't find a big enough bird.'

He nodded, appearing appeased but confused. 'Why did you want to kill one of the puppies?'

'We didn't. We were after a rat, but it went wrong.'

'Oh. We've got a rat in our house, do you want to see it?'

'Only one? You surprise me. No, it's fine; I'll let you have it.'

By this stage we were at the hovel and went inside. I did a rather outrageous double take because laying on the bed was a Hippogriff, looking very much at home. I get on fine with Hippogriffs; they don't take the world too seriously.

I nodded to him and he nodded back. 'Are you lot still doing the old "respect" bit"?' I asked.

'Yep', he replied. 'The...' he nodded towards Haggard and Fluffy 'humans haven't cottoned on yet, so I reckon we might as well carry on having a bit of fun at their expense.'

'Fair enough,' I replied. 'We should keep the old traditions alive.' I jumped from Fluffy's shoulder and gave him a low bow. 'Greetings, most honourable Hippogriff. I am Gorgeous the Cat, and crave the indulgence of your acquaintance.'

'Steady on, don't over do it.' He bowed back to me. 'I'm Gordon. Fancy a bit of ferret?'

'I'll let you have the pleasure. Anyway, why are you in here?'

'I'm not sure' he said. 'The boss man here's been acting funny ever since I gave one of the foals a bit of a slap.'

'Was that wise?' I asked. 'You know how touchy they can get.'

'Oh, it was nothing! I didn't even take his arm off. Anyway, since then I appear to be a bit _hippogriffa non grata_ – that means...'

'_Ego sapio,_ ' I got in quickly. Nobody out-poses Gorgeous, especially when they're spitting ferret bones on the floor.

Fluffy, in the meanwhile, was yowling in Haggard's arms and he was patting her on the head again. I'm sure she couldn't find it a comfort. I thought I'd better wander over and console her myself. I was almost there when...sniff sniff...

"We've got a rat in our house" Fang had said. He wasn't wrong. Well, he was almost right – which must have been a first. Not a rat, as such – but an animagus.

I could feel Plan B forming in my brain.

* * *

_AN: Now, I'm afraid this will be my last update for a while. Fluffy is aware that looking after her and her clowder takes a bit out of me so, every year, she books me into a very nice hotel. I get my own room, obviously, and the service is excellent. I feel almost guilty leaving them behind to clean the house._

_Still, I'm rather looking forward to a bit of sun, sand, sea and s...siesta. What on earth were you thinking I was going to say?_


	19. Chapter 19

Do humans have sayings? Well, if you do then they're probably about as much use as ours are. I mean, do you "Strike whilst the mouse is asleep" or "Look before you pounce"? Of course, you have to remember that "An injection in time saves nine", even though you "Mate in haste, repent at leisure".

See what I mean? No use to anybody wanting to make a decision, and that was what I had to do now.

I knew where the rat was, and I wanted to rush in there and get the job done. Siri, on the other paw, cautioned me to take it slowly. He didn't think the rat was going to go anywhere so, once again, we had him trapped. He did suggest though that, on the pretence of visiting Fang, I could keep watch.

Thanks.

Fortunately the visits were made more bearable because I could talk to Gordon whilst pretending to listen to the mutt. As long as I said "yes", "fine" or "good idea" occasionally Fang thought I was listening and I could carry on having a decent conversation with the hippogriff. He was my only source of intelligent company, at the time, because I'd almost given up on Fluffy.

-o0o-

She was starting to do a very good impression of a March hare. Her life, at this point, consisted solely of yowling, squiggling and talking to books. One day, she even forgot to bring me breakfast. It's a good job Punky was still looking after me or I could have wasted away. Fluffy made up for it the next day though, by bringing me two breakfasts. Mind you, even that was strange.

I'd just pushed Party's dish out of the way, on the off chance my servant might actually _remember_ I still exited, when Fluffy came in and put some food down. I'm sure she was feeling guilty because she brought me sausages _and_bacon. She even gave me a little stroke before rushing off.

Then, I swear, in just one shake of a lamb's tail she was back, with exactly the same breakfast. She looked at me and said 'Oh!'. She put the plate down anyway and said "Ah, well, I suppose two breakfasts won't hurt you just this once', whilst I tried to look innocent. I hung around for a while, just in case, but the third helping never showed up. Never mind.

Mind you, it wasn't just her. The whole school seemed a bit odd at the time. It was like that first night Siri tried to get through the portrait hole and we had to go to the Great Hall. All the kittens were walking around looking rather nervous, and even the Professors had a slightly drawn look.

Norris explained that everyone was getting ready for their annual examinations, which explained it all. I hate those things.

The V-word looks at you all friendly, and gives you a nice little stroke, before pressing a bit of cold metal all over you and shoving something up...where things shouldn't be shoved. Then, whilst somebody pins you down in a strangle hold he sticks a needle in you and tells you "It's only a little prick". He even has the cheek to look upset when he tries to stroke you afterwards and gets five claws right in. Why? "It's only a little scratch."

Then things started to go the bottom of the river really quickly...Fluffy cheered up and it was how she did it that got me upset.

-o0o-

Gordon started it all. I was there one day, sniffing out the rat and trying to ignore Fang. He'd discovered a new tree to widdle up, which had made his day. He offered to let me try it, bless him, but I declined reluctantly. Anyway, whilst this was going on Gordon told me he had to take a trip to London and did I have any tips for him.

I told him to watch out for the lorries and put him right when he asked if gold pavements were hard on the hooves or pads. My best piece of advice was to make for the Magical Menagerie if he had any problems, as they'd sort him out.

Then I asked him why he was going, as it wasn't a city I'd necessarily choose to visit. Apparently, he had to go and get his beak tapped for lashing out at the kitten earlier in the year. He was planning to look all sorry whilst they told him off, and promise never to do it again so that he could get out quickly and enjoy himself. I wished him a good time; sooner him than me.

It didn't work out like that at all. They didn't just tell him off, but decided they were going to put him to sl...slee..sl...I'm sorry, I can't bring myself to say it. As individuals I tend to get on well with you but, as a species, you can get far too self-righteous on occasions.

Fluffy got a message telling her what had happened whilst we were sat in the communal play area one day. She was on her own because the Brainless Duo had gone off to Hogsmeade.

She'd stayed behind to make some more squiggles, but I don't think she wanted to go anyway because she'd had a big fight with Honestlyronald just the night before. He'd acted, not to put too sharp a thorn on it, like a fox in a chicken run.

She, the showing the caring and considerate side you would expect from my servant, was trying to keep Hairy out of trouble. But that wasn't good enough for Honestlyronald. Displaying all the intelligence of a headless Flobberworm he actually accused her of trying to get hairy impelled! Can you believe that? It wasn't just what he said, but the way he said it. His face was even redder than his hair and he was staring right at her. Then he wanted to know if "She hadn't done enough damage already this year" - whatever that was meant to mean and I nearly went for him. I might have come off worse, but he would have carried the scars for a while. I don't like people talking to my servants like that. Stupid boy.

Fortunately – probably for both of us – Fluffy snatched me up and rushed to her room.

Anyway, when this message came she, for a completely inexplicable reason, decided she had to tell them about Gordon – like they'd care. I was quite amazed when they did. Fluffy launched herself at Honestlyronald and part of me – all of me – was hoping she was going to rip his throat out.

Instead she started yowling and saying 'Ohron, Ohron' and even apologised for me eating his rat! I wouldn't have been more shocked if I'd bought up a fur ball made of flowers. Then he was sort of...putting his paws on her and...rubbing his...head against her...I left in a marked manner. I **did not** want to see what came next, not if "Ohron" was going to be involved.

That night, in my room, she was bouncing around like a spring lamb and it was all 'Ohron this' and 'Ohron that'. I decided she either had a very short memory, or not much intelligence or...perish the thought, she'd decided to mate with him. I didn't think I could stand being surrounded by a litter of Honestlyronald shaped kittens all being stupid at once.

-o0o-

I was so pleased when she eventually fell asleep – without all the usual yowling – and I could get away to meet Norris.

I haven't said much about Norris recently, I realise that. It wasn't that anything was wrong, far from it.

It's just that we'd known each other now for EIGHT MONTHS and well... Just be aware, young kittens, that when you're in that kind of long-term relationship it's very easy to let things slip – not that I ever would, obviously. Certainly not.

I wasn't getting twitchy whiskers or anything like that, not at all. No, we were very happy together but sometimes you can accidentally appear to be taking each other for granted so I decided to make sure she knew she was still important to me.

We met, as usual in the corridor just after midnight, I rushed up to her and rubbed my head against her.

'Hello! I've missed you! Tell me all about your day.'

She gave me a long, considered look. 'What are feeling guilty about?' she asked, suspiciously.

'Nothing! I just wanted you to know you're special to me!'

'Oh, I see. You fancy nipping into the broom cupboard, do you? Well, tough; I've got a patrol to do.'

I followed her along the corridor lost, for once, for words. Mollies, eh? Actually, the patrol didn't take that long and it did just happen, by coincidence, to finish very close to our favourite hidey-hole, so the night wasn't completely wasted.

-o0o-

Anyway, Gordon.

I went down to see him when he got back from London, but it was a bit strained. What do you say to somebody who's just been sentenced to death? Cheer up, things could be worse. Always look on the bright side. Even Fang had worked out something was wrong, and just nodded to me when I walked in. Gordon was laid on Haggard's bed, picking at a polecat in a distracted manner.

'Well...' I said.

'Yeah', he said.

There was an awkward silence, and I even accepted a bit of polecat from it. It tasted as bad as I remembered.

'Listen, Gordon...I've got this sort of friend. What if we try and get you out of here, you know...'

He gave me a rather grim smile. 'It's good of you, but...the boss man here's been told to make sure I don't get away. If I take off he'll be in trouble and I don't want that. He gave me a great day in London, you know. We saw all the sights and he bought me loads of food and that, so I owe him.'

'You're too noble for your own good. You should have been a cat'

He smiled at that one. 'Anyway, there's still an appeal to come, so you never know.'

He did, though. We both did. An animal verses a human.

'Listen...if you want, I'll...you know, be there. When...if...'

'Thanks. I'd like that, if you don't mind.'

'No, of course not.' I'd run out of things to say to him. 'Look, I've got to go. I'll come back though, every day, see if there's anything you need, bring you a few voles.'

Then I had to go. I went into the forest behind Haggard's hut, the first time I'd ever been in there. There were some big trees and they always help me when I'm a bit sad. I climbed up the biggest one I could find and just lay on one of the branches, watching the sun go down.

I would stay with him, and make sure Siri was close by as well. Maybe something would happen and we could all come out of this happy. Maybe.


	20. Chapter 20

I wasn't quite myself for the next few days; I even left food on my dish one morning. Eventually I decided I had to tell Siri what the problem was. He, obviously, had the ability to think human and once I'd got past your ideas on logic I thought it might help to have a paw in the "enemy camp", as it were.

Siri sympathised with Gordon's plight and agreed that he would _try t_o help, if possible. He admitted, though, that Haggard had to be protected and he wouldn't do anything to hurt him.

'I know Haggard' he told me, 'from before Azkaban. We...friends, once.'

'Go and see him then!' Why hadn't he told me this before? 'I'm sure we can work something out between us.'

Siri shook his head, sadly. 'Not friends, now. Long story.' To make sure I got the message that the conversation was over he lay down and pretended to fall asleep.

-o0o-

Everything seemed to come to a halt after that, but it was more like the lull before a storm. All around, but always just over the horizon, you knew something was waiting. It was coming, every day it was closer, but it never quite arrived. I spent a lot of time with Norris, and she even came down to see Gordon, but we never said much. It was nice to have her around, just being there.

Fluffy had started to sit with Honestlyronald and Hairy again, and I kept my distance for a while but even the toms seemed to realise we were in some kind of truce. When I did sit on Fluffy's lap we all sort of ignored each other – which suited me just fine.

The squiggles and talking to books carried on, but at least she wasn't yowling herself to sleep every night, so I suppose that was an improvement.

-o0o-

Fluffy woke up one morning as dawn was breaking, and just as I was getting in. I was quite tired as it had been a, ahem, busy night. She was in a fine old state. Normally she's fairly organised getting herself ready for the day, but this time she gave a shriek and jumped out of bed. Then she spent several minutes rushing backwards and forwards, picking things up, changing her mind, putting them down and rushing off somewhere else.

All the time she kept saying 'Oh no, oh no' to herself.

She was only brought to a halt when a pillow, thrown by Rosemary, came flying across the room. 'Shu' up'

Rosemary, I should point out, was not at her best first thing in the morning. She needed to stand in the indoor rain storm for quite a long time and then make squiggles on her face and brush her fur before she even started to resemble a human. That was the cue for her to open her mouth, which didn't normally close again until she fell asleep.

Fluffy rushed across the room and started shaking her. 'But it's the exams today! Get up! Get up!' She turned to Parvenue, and did the same thing.

'Wha' you worried 'bout?' said Rosemary, pulling the blankets back over her head.

Fluffy stood in the middle of the room, and started waving her hands frantically. 'I'm going to fail everything, I know it! What am I going to do?'

Rosemary gave a groan, and slid deepurr into her bed. Parvenue got up, and stood facing Fluffy. Her eyes kept drooping shut, and her head occasionally jerked backwards. She put her hands on Fluffy's shoulders.

'Her-meow-meow, I want you to listen to me very, very carefully. Are you listening?'

'Yes,' squeaked Fluffy.

'You know you are a clever and intelligent witch who is always top of the class, don't you?'

'Yes,' Fluffy squeaked again, at an even higher pitch.

'Good. So pack it in or I'll throw you out the window.' With that Parvenue went back to bed and started snoring.

'Every bloody year the same' muttered Rosemary before she, too, went back to the Land of Nod.

Fluffy grabbed a book and headed off to the play area and I gave a sigh before following her. Always look after the staff. Actually, it wasn't too bad. She talked to the book and I fell asleep on her lap.

-o0o-

I'm not sure how a human exam differs from a cat one, but it seems to involve much more rushing around, and takes longer – days, in fact. Fluffy came back from one of them quite upset and shaking, so I don't even want to guess how big the needle was.

Eventually, one day, all the kittens seemed much more cheerful and were looking forward to "the last one". Then I heard Fluffy and the toms saying that Gordon's appeal was due at lunch time, so I thought I'd better go down to see him.

He wasn't in the hovel, but outside in the garden. I did wonder why he was still there, despite his vow to stay, but then I saw he had been tied up. So much for trust.

He was obviously trying to put a brave face on it. 'The boss man says today's the day' he said, attempting to sound cheerful, and failing miserably. 'Still, at least I've got the sun on my face.' He looked up towards it, the yearning clear.

'I'm going to get that friend I told you about, remember? Don't get worried when we come back, will you?'

'Why, what's wrong with him?'

'Well, nothing' I tried to reassure him. It's just that he's...well human but an animagus, and he can't be seen. His form is...maybe it isn't such a good idea, I'll just stay here.'

Gordon managed a laugh. 'I wouldn't worry about upsetting me, not today. So, your friend?'

'Well, he's a big black dog.'

'Very suitable.'

'We've been thinking, and we decided that, if we were around and there was any chance of getting you away – without involving Haggard, then we'd go for it, OK? So, if it happens, you'll trust me, yes?'

Gordon shrugged. 'I'll trust you. What's the worst that could happen?'

I rushed off to get Siri from his house, and got him out as soon as possible – he still hadn't cleaned the place up. I explained that he'd have to be a bit sensitive when we got to Gordon.

He thought about that for a moment, then laughed. 'Grim humour, little cat.'

'Are you ever going to get round to calling me Gorgeous.'

He gave me a long, considered look. 'Hardly. Bit...girly.'

For once, I was speechless.

-o0o-

So, we went along to see Gordon and spend the day with him. We just talked about meaningless things, and he told us about his childhood in the woods where he was born. He kept looking wistfully at the forest behind us, almost as if he were expecting his mother to come along and make it all better. I caught him a few voles, and he seemed pleased at that.

Siri got on well with him, I suppose they'd both had expurrience of being locked up. I made sure to keep a lookout for Haggard, and Fang, so that Siri wasn't seen. The last thing we needed was Fang getting all territorial and starting a fight.

The sun passed its zenith and the long afternoon dragged by. We'd run out of things to talk about by now, so just sat together waiting...for whatever. I wasn't quite sure what to do but decided that, if nothing had happened by sunset, then probably nothing was. I supposed at some stage somebody would get round to letting Gordon know what was going on.

The sun was just getting to the tops of the trees when Siri stirred. He put his nose up into the air and looked towards the castle.

'People come' he said.

I followed his gaze. 'That's Fluffy, she's my servant with...oh no, it's the two idiots she hangs around with. I mean...the idiot and your god's son. You'd better get under cover Siri; we don't want you to be seen.'

He stood up and looked. 'Where?'

'There', I said. 'Walking towards us.'

'Not see.'

'There! Plain as the whiskers on your muzzle! Look!'

He shook his head, confused. No, not...unless...jamscloke!'

'What's a "jamscloke"'?

He looked at me, and for the first time I can remember he had a happy smile on his face. 'Hairy's father, James, had cloak...invisible cloak. Now Hairy has it. He his father's son.'

So...your god is called James, is he?' I shrugged, humans are very strange.

Siri shook his head. No..not...wait, you see them under cloak?'

'Of course; I am a cat, after all.'

Gordon decided to join in the conversation. 'You mean the three foals heading this way? I recognise them; I took the one with the black hair for a trip, the day I gave the stupid foal a slap. He's a nice lad.'

'Siri thinks so, too', I told him. 'He worshipped his father.' I dropped my voice to a whispurr. 'I, on the other paw, think he's a bit dense, if you take my meaning. His friend, the one with ginger fur is even worse. I don't know what my servant sees in them, between me and you.'

They walked past us, whilst we hid, and went into Haggard's hovel. Not long afterwards, some more people came along. Oh no, one of them was carrying an axe. This didn't look good, and I sent a silent plea to Ixchel, something I haven't done since I was a little kitten.

I tried to make sure I kept Gordon talking, and looking in the opposite direction, whilst trying to signal to Siri with my eyes. It looked like we wouldn't have to stay around for very long, after all.

Then things got very, very strange.


	21. Chapter 21

As the group of toms approached the hovel, the back door opened and Haggard came out. Then he appeared to start talking to himself. At least, that's what any humans would have seen. Fluffy and the other two were under their invisible cloak and he told them to get back to the castle.

They started to move away, but something didn't seem to be quite right. I knew it must be awkward walking that close together, even if there were only six legs involved, but they did seem to be making a meal of it.

As they passed Siri and I, hiding behind a bush, all became clear. Honestlyronald had found his rat, and was taking it away with him! I could hear the stupid little animagus squeaking and trying to scratch his way to freedom. Maybe he'd caught a whiff of us on the breeze.

I looked at Siri, and he looked at me. 'What are we going to do?' I asked in a whispurr, as Haggard went back inside. We both looked at Gordon.

'Maybe one stay and one follow?'

It seemed quite a good idea, but...

'It would have to be me who followed' I said. 'With all due respect we can't have you crashing around like an Erumpent on heat, and I said I'd stay with him.'

Gordon was looking very nervous, and his flanks were starting to sweat up. 'I can't leave him, Siri. We'll have to try to catch up with them...Hang on. What was that?'

Out of the corner of my eye I'd seen a movement in the trees. There were humans there, two of them. They looked more than vaguely familiar which, considering one of them was my servant and the other was Hairy, shouldn't have surprised me.

Except, of course, if I turned my head the other way I could still see them, along with Honestlyronald, walking away from us.

There are occasions, like before eating or after eating – or waiting for your friend to be executed – when it really doesn't pay to think. Sometimes, when things are as plain as the whiskers on your face, you just have to go with them and let reality creep back in after it's had a nice lie down and a bit of a snooze.

There was obviously a purrfectly logical explanation for what I was seeing; like Fluffy and Hairy both had twins I hadn't previously been aware of – or they'd managed to duplicate themselves. Maybe they'd looked in a puddle and their reflections had come to life? Fine, I'm aware that I am now pouncing on moonbeams – and probably rambling - but can you blame me?

Two Fluffys, two Hairys but - praise Mafdet – still only one Ohron.

Fluffy and Hairy, the other ones, not the ones who...never mind, crept into the garden and untied Gordon's leash. They tried to lead him off into the forest but I think he might have literally reached the end of his tether. He dug his claws and hooves in and refused to move. He kept saying 'I won't let the boss man down.'

'Gordon!' I hissed, 'You have to go with them. You can trust them. Well, the molly anyway; she's my servant. Just go!'

'I can't.' He looked at me despurrately. 'He'll get into trouble, and he gave me a nice day out.'

'He won't get into trouble. He's in his hovel with the others, so they'll know it can't have been him. Go!'

He looked at me, full of indecision, and shook his head. I looked back to the rapidly retreating forms of the other three, with their passenger. If we didn't move soon we'd lose him again. 'Shift, you overgrown sparrow! If you're quick enough we might be able to save two of you tonight.'

'You're sure?'

'If you don't move now I'll come over there and kill you myself!'

Thankfully he took the hint and allowed himself to be led off into the forest. As the trees finally closed around him I let out a sigh of relief, then turned to Siri.

'Does adventure always have to be this exciting? Right, let's get after the rat. I'll creep up on them, and see if I can either grab it or make it run. Stay close but out of sight, ok?'

He nodded. 'Good plan, little...Gorgeous.'

I purred at him. 'It's fine, you still sound butch. Let's go.'

-o0o-

We made our way along the edge of the forest, trying to stay in the shadows. Siri tried to stay in the shadows, I didn't have a problem. Fortunately the three kittens were still struggling to move propurrly and we were able to catch up. Then I heard him.

'Go way. Not me. Good pet. Not amniagussy. Please go.'

Yes, he did know we were there. I think it was the whining in his voice that purrsuaded me I really hated him. When I compared the way he was acting with Gordon...

They came to a halt, mainly because Honestlyronald was struggling to keep hold of his pet.

'What's the matter with you, you stupid rat? Stay still – OUCH! He bit me!'

Well, I suppose that goes to prove that nobody – not even a treacherous rat – is all bad.

They were stood still now, and I decided to make my move. Maybe if I showed myself I could frighten it into making a break for freedom.

'Crookshanks!' I heard Fluffy moan. 'No, go away Crookshanks! Go away!'

'Don't worry, my dear. This will all soon be over, then we can get on with our lives. Come to Gorgeous, rat. I want a word in your ear. If you're lucky, I might even leave your body attached to it.'

'Please no' he whined. 'You brave and kind. You Prince amongst cats, King maybe. Please leave me alone!'

'I've changed my mind,' I hissed at him. 'I'm going to take your ear off at the neck.' I was quite proud at how tough I sounded when I said that, and it certainly had the desired effect.

The rat made his break, and I was after him. It wasn't that easy, though. Obviously I was faster in a straight race, but he had the advantage in being able to turn tighter, and get in amongst the vegetation.

I could hear feet following me, too. Heavy, clodhopping feet. Ohron was coming after his pet and Hairy wasn't far behind. I no longer had the uppurr paw.

'SIRI? Could do with a bit of help here, if it isn't too much trouble. Join in whenever you want.'

I heard his pads coming in my direction as I...damn! Ohron had not only got to his rat before I did, but also managed to aim a kick at me that nearly connected. I know it was purre luck on his part but, even so...how embarrassing!

Fortunately, as Ohron was trying to force the rat into his pocket, Siri arrived. Hairy tried to point his twig at him, but was knocked over. There are advantages to being big, I suppose, although it was obvious Siri hadn't liked throwing his weight around. 'Hairy, please...stay out of this,' he pleaded. 'I don't want to hurt you.' He pushed Hairy away again, grabbed Honestlyronald and started to drag him away towards the waving tree.

-o0o-

I decided this might be a chance for a little breather; just a moment to gather my thoughts. Siri, after a fashion, had the rat; so that side of it was well under control. What I needed to do now was get Fluffy and Hairy calmed down so we could have a reasoned, intelligent discussion and then everything would be cleared up.

Unfortunately, at that point I heard a loud CRACK! I thought a branch might have snapped off the waving tree but trees don't tend to scream that loudly, do they? Not in my expurrience anyway. Something had gone wrong trying to get Honestlyronald into the tunnel, and I suspected he might be quite badly hurt.

Fluffy and Hairy raced to get to their friend, which was very noble of them, but they weren't looking where they were going. I shouted across to them. 'Don't go near the tree, it...' Too late.

Both were bashed by the swinging branches and I went over to Fluffy to make sure she wasn't hurt. She had a cut on her shoulder but it could have been worse.

They were still determined to follow their friend so I thought I'd best to step in and give them a bit of help before they got seriously damaged.

'Leave this to me, kittens.'

I skittered under the branches and pressed the knot. The tree froze and I turned round to face them.

'Right, follow me and do as you're told.' I gave Hairy a particularity hard stare. 'Do not, repeat NOT, try to use what passes for your brain without my purrmission. Clear?'

As I said it I knew I was wasting my breath, even allowing for the fact they couldn't understand me. With a sigh I ducked into the tunnel. Things were about to get complicated, I just knew it.


	22. Chapter 22

At least they were following me, which was something, although I had to slow down so that they could keep up. Once we got to the Shrinking Sack I left them behind and went on to warn Siri they were on the way. Ohron was laid on the floor, looking rather pale.

Yes, I did feel a bit sorry for him; I'm not completely heartless.

'Right,' I said to Siri, 'They're going to be here soon. Shall we get this over and done with?'

He shook his head. 'Want Hairy to know, about me...about rat. My friends he killed? They Hairy's parents.'

Oh, I hadn't realised he was an orphan too. Maybe I should have been nicer to him...on the other paw, he could have been nicer to me. Anyway...

'Look, it might be easier if you changed to a human, so you can talk to them.'

He nodded. 'Good idea.'

'Of course it is! Another thing, talk to my servant; she's the most intelligent one of them. Hairy...he can be a bit impetuous.'

Siri popped into human shape and I stretched out on the bed. It had been a long day and I was tired. I hoped that, whilst they had a nice quiet chat, I could have a bit of a snooze.

Siri relieved Fluffy and Hairy of their twigs as soon as they got to the room – he'd already taken Honestlyronald's. That was quite sensible of him; I've never understood why wizards are so keen to give them to kittens in the first place. They swish them around without a care in the world; the number of times I've seen someone's eye nearly taken out...

Then he, very calmly, tried to explain what was going on. It didn't work. Hairy started shouting and screaming. Fluffy, Apedemak bless her, tried to keep him under control but Ohron kept encouraging him.

'If you want to kill Hairy, you'll have to kill us, too' he ranted.

I put my paws over my eyes. 'What are you going to do? Hop him to death, you stupid kitten? For once in your life do as you're told. Lay down and shut up.'

Hairy was obviously over tired as he was getting very fractious. 'HE KILLED MY MUM AND DAD' he bellowed, as if we were all three fields away, instead of being in the same room.

Then he leapt at Siri and, for a scrawny little thing, surprised me by managing to knock him over. Siri tried to calm him down, admittedly by grabbing round the throat, and would have done so if Fluffy hadn't kicked him. I was shocked! My servant using violence on my friend; I would have to have words with her once this was over. I was tempted to dismiss her from her post out of paw, I can tell you.

There was a lot of rolling around and one of the twigs went sliding across the floor. Hairy made a grab for it. That was not going to be a good thing, so I decided it was about time somebody took control of the situation. I leapt at him and sunk all ten claws into his arm. He managed to jerk me free, so I went for the twig, but now he started with the kicking and I had to jump out of the way.

He grabbed his twig and pointed it at Siri. Oh, this was not good. It wouldn't have surprised me if he did something silly and somebody ended up getting hurt – apart from Honestlyronald, who doesn't really count.

I jumped up onto Siri's chest. He tried to push me off, but also learned cat's claws are stronger than a human's hands.

'Right, young tom, we all know you aren't going to use that twig, so put it down and stop being silly. This has all gone far enough.'

Hairy didn't put the twig down, and he had a gleam in his eye I didn't like the look of. I gulped, my fur gulped. Even my whiskers gulped. Start warming the milk, Mother; I'll be there shortly.

Then there was a noise downstairs and Fluffy was shouting, 'WE'RE UP HERE! SIRIUS BLACK – QUICK!'

A human rushed into the room. Well, I say human; it was the werewolf who'd been on the train with us. It seemed a lifetime ago now, but I can honestly say I was pleased to see him. He shouted something that made Hairy's twig fly across the room, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

I tried discreetly pointing at Honestlyronald with my tail. 'He's already injured, won't put up much of a fight. I wouldn't bother with the molly; she's probably a bit stringy.' Well, it was getting late, I was hungry, and I didn't fancy catering for myself.

The werewolf gave me what I can only describe as an "old-fashioned" look before turning his attention to Siri, whom he helped up. I was so surprised at that I forget to hold on, and fell to the floor. Dropped gracefully to the floor – this is me, after all.

'I DON'T BELIEVE IT!' Fluffy screamed, right in my ear and almost making me jump out of my skin. Be still my beating heart. What, in the name of Narasimha, had got in to them all?

As Siri sat down I climbed onto his lap just in case Hairy got any more ideas. By now I'd given up even trying to sleep, so lay there listening to them talking backwards and forwards. They'd got into a stage of what I can only describe as - stating the bleeding obvious.

Fluffy started rambling on about how she'd been covering up for the werewolf and not told anybody...

Hairy and Honestlyronald did their own bit of wild-arsed theorising and accused the werewolf of helping Siri get in to the castle...I kept my head down during that part. Least said, soonest mended and all that.

Then the werewolf – I really wish I could remember his name, Loopy or something – and Siri came out with the stunning revelation that the rat was actually an animagus called Pitter-patter-pew...

Having worked that out for myself the previous September, I tried not to look too smug. If only they'd listened to me.

That shut the kittens up for a moment. Only a moment, of course; they were still young, so always had a lot to say on any given subject – especially if they don't know anything about it.

Even Fluffy, whom Loopy said was the cleverest witch of her age he'd ever met, managed to get it wrong. It wasn't her fault; she'd obviously been hanging around with the other two for too long and their lack of brainpower was probably draining her, like a spider sucking a fly dry. Even at the time it did worry me that, given a few years, she could end up like them.

Loopy asked Ron if he could see the rat. It was wriggling and scratching, but I knew we had him now and took great pleasure in telling him. Siri decided it was his turn to get over-excited and made a leap for the little traitor and I, once again, found myself on the floor.

This was all getting a bit too much, and I was seriously missing my dinner. I was half tempted to sneak out whilst they carried on arguing and talking for what seemed like hours, completely ignoring me.

Then they all got a shock and it served them right. I kept trying to point out there was somebody listening just outside the door, but they wouldn't listen. Loopy almost got the message, even going to have a look in the corridor at one point It surprised me he couldn't see through the invisible cloak. Maybe werewolves are the complete animals I'd always assumed them to be.

Or purrhaps Loopy wasn't typical. After all, he'd been in the room for ages and hadn't even tried to rip anybody limb from limb.

So, back to the human outside the door. I didn't think much of him, to be honest. Snipe by name, apparently, but Peacock by nature. I'm sure you know the sort; all substance - no style. His entrance, in my opinion, was far more dramatic that the situation required. He might as well have leapt through the door shouting 'Look at me! Look at me!'

Then he started waving his twig around like a kitten, and joined in with the apparently fashionable "WE'RE ALL DEAF SO I'LL HAVE TO SHOUT EVERYTHING VERY LOUDLY" – although I was impressed when he tied Loopy up without even having to touch him. Maybe there's more to theses twigs than meets the eye. I wonder if it'd work on voles?

Of course, him waving his twig around encouraged the kittens to get over-excited, so they had to join in and the room was suddenly full of flashes and bangs. Then the inevitable happened, just like I predicted; and Snipe ended up getting hurt. Serves him right. Nobody seemed particularly concerned about it, apart from Fluffy. She was worried they'd get into trouble for attacking a Professor. I decided I'd have a quiet word with McGon-yowl when we got back to the school, pointing out it wasn't my servant's fault and all that. Always look after the staff.

Finally, we could get down to business. Ohron, to credit his loyalty if not his intelligence, was still trying to defend his rat saying that he'd been in the family for years. Then he tried to blame it's poor state on ME! Oh, the dead animals he was going to get left in his shoes!

Siri, I could have hugged him. He told them all I'd been helping him and said I was – and I quote -

"_The most intelligent of his kind I've ever met. He recognised Pitter _[patter-pew] _for what he was straight away. And when he met me he knew I was no dog. It was a while before he trusted me. Finally, I managed to communicate to him what I was after, and he's been helping me...'_

I welled up at that, even though the end part was maybe a bit cheeky. Then I had to blush when he let on I was the one who'd got the squiggles from Novel.

Despite all that, Hairy still had to be helped to understand what was going on, after he'd done a bit more shouting. He's never has been the brightest star in the constellation, for all that his father was allegedly a god.

Well the proof of the nestling is in the eating, as they say. Siri and Loopy grabbed the rat and waved their twigs at it. There before us stood...a human, supposedly. And you think you're at the top of the evolutionary tree?

It looked better as a rat. In fact, I thought the transformation had been incomplete. It – he, no...it had ratty little eyes, and a ratty little face. It begged and grovelled and I wanted it to turn again so I'd have a chance of killing it before anyone else could. Funny, I'm not normally like that but I'd make an exception for this one. No nobility, no style. He wasn't even really a convincing rat, you know.

I've only ever hunted them when I've been really hungry as they aren't clean feeders, so they don't taste very good. But, one time when I was living out on my own I cornered one and the result was never in doubt. You know, that rat looked me in the eye and told me he wasn't going down without a fight. He didn't, either. It was almost an honour to eat him.

Pitter-patter-pew...I'd rather starve.

I couldn't believe my ears when Hairy told them not to kill him. He wanted the rat to spend the rest of his days in Azkaban. No milk for the rest of your life, not even at Christmas, and guarded by Dobermans. Maybe a fate worse than death isn't better than dying.

-o0o-

I led our little party back along the tunnel to the waving tree. Now all the excitement was over we were all quiet, subdued. And hungry. I hoped Fluffy was going to get me something good for dinner.

I pressed the knot on the trunk so they could all get out safely and started walking towards the castle.

We'd been in the Shrinking Sack for longer than I'd realised, because it was full night-time now. Yet it wasn't completely dark; the full moon lit the way well enough even for humans to see.

Hang on...

Full moon.

Werewolf.

'Everybody! Stay where your are! Siri, don't let them come out! SIRI!'

Oh hell's hounds and ingrown claws – he was in human form, so couldn't understand me!

Dinner was probably going to be slightly delayed.


	23. Chapter 23

I started butting Fluffy's legs. 'Move! Run!' She didn't. 'You're my servant; that's an order!'

She bent down and scratched me behind the ear. 'Don't worry, Crookshanks, I'm not cross with you. Not now that I understand.'

'Oh you stupid kitten, you don't understand anything!' I tried running off a little way, hoping she'd follow me, but she didn't.

Then the clouds rolled away and we were bathed in the cold, silver glow of the moon.

I don't know if you've ever seen a werewolf transform? Don't rush; it isn't an expurrience you want to have. There were two things I remember about it.

The first was the noise. The bones cracked and groaned as they stretched into a completely different shape. You know the sound the rib cage of a vole makes as you bite into it? No, you probably don't. And it was nothing like that, anyway.

I don't know why I even tried making the comparison.

So...this wasn't bones breaking, but expanding. It was more like a tree being blasted by the wind. Then there was the popping and screaming from the sinews as they struggled to adapt to their new position without rupturing.

The second was the emotion I could feel coming off him. Pain, certainly. Pain like you can't imagine. Much worse than treading on a wasp, or even having an injection. This was pain from every part of his body all at the same time.

Then there was the pain from his mind. I told you we had a sort of connection when we were in the Shrinking Sack, far more than I normally have with you humans. He could hear me, but not understand me. As he transformed he went through a stage of being almost intelligent, and we could communicate. I could feel his horror for what he might do, and – just as strong – disgust at himself that he couldn't use his mind to stop this happening to him. For just a few moments, he was capable of talking to me.

'Make them run, cat. Get them away from here.' He sounded despurrate.

'I'm trying, but they won't listen to me. What can I do?'

'Get them away...not much time...make them...RIP, BITE, FEED. FLESH...YOUNG...GIRL FLESH...FEED...DEJHIG...HAOREIFRUHD...MWKOGZY'

He was gone, I'd lost him. He'd passed beyond reason. He was now an animal, purre and simple.

There is a third thing I remember, if I'm being honest. Fear. Sheer, total fear. I reared up. My fur and whiskers may have followed but I'm not sure, and I backed away hissing.

Then Fluffy screeched. Pitter-patter-pew had made a grab for the twig Loopy had dropped when he started turning. I hesitated for just half-a-shake of a lamb's tail too long, not sure if I should go for him or keep my eyes on the werewolf. I should have gone for the rat.

Siri – what a fantastic human he was; he should have been a cat, you know. He transformed and came hurtling past me, straight towards the werewolf. He was a big dog, bigger than Fang, but I still wouldn't have guaranteed his chances.

'Get the rat' he shouted to me as he clamped his jaws around Loopy's neck, dragging him away from the kittens.

But, by the time I could face him, Pitter-patter-pew already had the twig in his hand. As I gathered myself for a pounce there was a very, very brief flash of light...

-o0o-

My ears woke up first; that's always a good plan. Listen to what is around, and see if it has any plans to eat you. There was nothing.

Then my nose joined in. Nothing there either.

Finally the eyes. I saw a lot of dark.

And some grass.

Getting up was harder than I thought, as I had an ache in my right shoulder but I couldn't work out why. I remembered the flash of light, then not much. All of the kittens, and Siri and Loopy and...

Basically, everyone was gone apart from me. I was a bit upset that Fluffy had left me behind. How hard would it have been to carry me to wherever she went, rather than leaving me out in the dark all on my own?

Well, I didn't need her; I could look after myself. Ouch! Maybe she would have come in useful, as walking was a bit hard.

I hobbled my way back to the castle, not looking forward to all the stairs up to my room. Maybe it would have been easier to find a nest for the night, but I was hungry now. Really hungry. Once I got back to the castle I could get one of the House Elves to help me, seeing as I'd been deserted by my ex-servant.

I didn't need an Elf, as it turned out. Norris was sat on the front steps, looking for me. She came rushing towards me, mewing and crying.

'Oh, Gorgeous! I've been so worried! Where have you been? I didn't know where you were and...anything could have...and you could have been...and I didn't know...'

'Shh. Calm down. This is Gorgeous you're talking to. I can look after myself!'

'But with everything that's happened, and Sirius Black being caught in the grounds...'

'What?'

'Sirius Black. I heard one of the professors telling Argus about it. He was sent to Azkaban for being naughty. I didn't know humans got sent there as well, but he escaped! And he came here! It was him who tried to kill the kitten in your Tower, that night...you had to keep dashing off...just after you...wanted to know...how to sneak...something...in there...'

She backed slowly away from me. Her eyes were wide and she looked scared. 'We're you helping him? Please tell me you had nothing to do with it!'

'Norris, do you trust me?'

She looked away, and seemed ready to run.

'Do you? Trust me?'

She hesitated. 'Yes.' She said it very quietly, though.

'It wasn't Siri; it was the rat I was hunting on my quest. He did all the naughty things. He killed some humans. Siri did nothing wrong but got the blame for it, and he's my friend now.'

Norris's eyes opened wide again. 'But they still think your friend did it! They've sent for the Azkaban guards to get him.'

My fur shot up. 'Sacred Tefnut! They've let Dobermans into the school? Are they mad?'

Norris shivered. 'No! They aren't Dobermans. These are different guards, sort of human but...I don't like them. They make me feel all cold and scared.'

'I've got to go there; tell them they're wrong. McGon-yowl...I'll tell her.' I tried to climb the steps to the school, but my shoulder chose that moment to give up on me. Stupid body.

'You're hurt!' Norris rushed to my side. 'I'll get Haggard; he'll know what to do.'

'There's no time. I need to talk to a human. Where's my servant when I need her?'

Norris didn't answer immediately, but stared up into the sky. 'You'll need wings to get to her. It looks like she's found your friend Gordon.'

I looked up, confused. Sure enough, Fluffy and Hairy were flying Gordon towards one of the towers. He hovered outside one of the windows and I saw somebody climb out. Siri! They disappeared over the roofs for a few moments and, when they came back into view, it was only Siri on Gordon's back.

'Down here!' I shouted. 'Hey, where are you going?'

Siri obviously didn't understand what I'd said, being in his human form, but he heard me and looked down, waving. 'I'll see you around, Grrr! Look after the children for me, won't you? And thanks!'

Gordon looked down, too. 'I owe you, Gorgeous! Me and the new boss man are heading off for a life of fun and adventure! Two bachelors together. Don't worry, I'll teach him to bow!'

Yes, Gordon did fly in front of the moon. He always was slightly theatrical.

They were off, leaving me behind. Would I have gone with them? I don't know. The bachelor life is all well and good, but I had a feeling they'd be eating a few polecats before they were through. At least at Hogwarts I got propurr food.

A meep reminded me of another reason it was worth staying behind. I turned back to Norris, pretty certain I was better off here.

'Have you got anything to eat? I'm starving.'

She led me round to the side of the castle, where a stone dissolved to let us in. I found myself in a small room.

'Home' she said, shyly. 'This is where I live,with Argus. It isn't much, I know, but it's handy for work and...'

I looked around. It wasn't posh, but clean and warm and it felt cosy.

'I like it.'

She gave me a little meep, then started rooting around behind a cupboard. She came back with a mouse.

'I'm out of voles, will this do? It isn't a very good one.' She sounded a bit nervous. I think she must have come across the mouse by accident, and had pounced out of instinct. It hadn't been cleanly killed, so was knocked about a bit. 'I could go and hunt if you...'

No, not the best presented mouse I'd ever seen, but I was so hungry I could have eaten the hind leg off a scabby hedgehog. And anyway, Norris had got it for me.

'This will be purrfect. It looks wonderful.'


	24. Chapter 24

Norris was still asleep when I awoke, just before dawn. I slipped out of the room and found a quiet spot where I could watch the sun come up and have a think.

I felt a bit down, to be honest. What had I achieved, with all my big ideas of quests and noble actions? Not much.

Siri was on the run, probably being hunted by Dobermans. I knew he was innocent but, even if I talked to McGon-yowl, no human was going to take my word.

Fine, I'd found out about the rat but what use was that to anybody? I hadn't caught him and now he was gone. On the other paw it probably wasn't that important, I supposed. After all, what danger was he to anyone? He probably wouldn't survive a week out in the wild. No, he was a nothing in all of this; about as much use as a glass scratching post.

I'd helped Gordon, though. He was still alive, and free. That was a bonus; some good had come of all of it. Maybe we'd meet up again one day, and share a rabbit over old times.

Come on, Gorgeous! I gave myself a good shake and washed my face. You aren't ready for your basket and minced food yet! There's still a whole world out there to own...and Norris to go on patrol with. She's got you to herself every night now, without any distractions. Lucky molly!

Sometimes you need to give yourself a good talking to, don't you? After all, I am only one cat – and not even divine (at least, I don't _think_ so).

Now, where had this servant of mine got to? I thought I'd better go and check my room. If she wasn't there I decided to find Mcgon-yowl and see what had happened.

-o0o-

Obviously everybody had decided to get up early today.

The first human I met – sort of human – was the werewolf, though fortunately he'd changed back. He was in a worse state than I was; face battered and huge bruises around his neck. Even so, I felt my fur rise and started to back away from him.

Then I took a good look at him. If anything, he looked even more frightened than I felt, but it was mixed with something else. He looked ashamed.

'I'm sorry' he said, 'but I swear I didn't hurt anyone.' He bent down as if to give me a tickle behind the ear but then stopped and stood up again. 'I'm sorry. I'm going away. Now.' He walked off, without looking back.

I felt a bit bad for him, and considered going after him, maybe even rubbing against his leg but...he was a werewolf, after all, and they are what they are. Probably best not to.

As I went into the school, I came across the old man – the one who'd given the talk when Siri attacked the portrait. I'd never worked out who he was. He wasn't around much, but gave the impression he was quite an important tom.

'Good morning, Gorgeous. I trust you are recovered?'

That stopped me in my tracks. Not only had he used my correct name, but he'd spoken to me in cat. I nodded, a bit surprised.

'You did well last night' he continued. 'Both Mr Black and Bu...Gordon got safely away. Your mother would be proud of you.'

I nodded, again. This tom gave me a strange feeling, a bit like the Batty Professor, but different. How did he know all these things? Maybe he could answer my question. 'But what about the rat?'

He smiled and gave me a kitty treat he found in his pocket. 'None of us can know the future, can we?' He didn't sound convincing, I have to say. 'But, purrhaps what happened will turn out for the best. Now, I suggest you get along to your room. Miss...your servant had to spend the night in the hospital wing, but she will be released shortly - quite well - and will probably be pleased to see you.'

I nodded, for the third time. Talking to him was hard. But, as he walked off...

'Please...Sir.' He turned back to me. 'As you can understand me, would you be able to explain a couple of things to Fl...my servant.'

He looked at me with a hint of a smile on his face. 'I don't think so. The human mind, even one as good as your servant's, can accept many things, but talking cats is not one of them. It is better we do nothing.' Then he laughed, as if rather pleased with himself. 'Or, at least, we do not _do little_.'

No, I can't see what was funny about it either. I'd had quite high hopes for this one, but he turned out to be just a human after all.

-o0o-

Fluffy, as the old man had suggested, was incredibly pleased to see me.

'Oh, Crookshanks!' she squealed, running over and hugging me. 'I was so worried about you, but we got attacked by Dementeds, and I passed out, and then we got taken to the Hospital Wing and then we had to...Hairy and I ...and he...'

She stopped gabbling and gave me another hug. 'Why am I telling you all this? It's not like you can understand me, is it?

I decided that purring and giving her a lick under her chin was probably the best thing to do.

She tickled my belly; I think she might have been feeling a bit guilty about leaving me. 'Now, you have a nice lie down and I'll bring you some breakfast.'

This was more like it. Quests and adventures were all very well, but they couldn't compete with a good servant. As I stretched out on my bed I thought about the summer ahead with Norris; sunshine and butterflies to chase, and shady trees to lay under...and warm, moonlit nights.

And that is how it was, for a few days.

-o0o-

We were laid on our favourite ledge, looking out over the grounds bathed in moonlight. The day had been hot, almost unbearably so, but that had now faded to a gentle warmth. Purrfumes from the flower beds, stirred by zephyrs of breeze, drifted across to us. It was one of those moments in your life when you are totally and completely happy.

I should have known.

'So, tomorrow's the day, then?' I couldn't quite catch the emotion she had in her voice.

'Why? What's happening?'

She looked away for a while and then said, very quietly, 'You'll be leaving.'

'WHAT?' I spun round so fast I nearly fell off. 'What do you mean? I'm not planning on going anywhere.'

She looked at me with sad eyes. 'Everyone does. They all leave at the start of summer, and don't come back until September.'

'No!' But I had all my plans, and most of them involved the molly laying next to me. 'I'll stay!'

She shook her head. 'You can't. You have to go.' She tried to smile. 'You'll have all summer with your servant, and no doubt she'll spoil you rotten.'

'I'll be back though, won't I? It won't be that long, even though I'll be counting the days.'

'Count the days all you want' she said. 'But tonight, my love' she put her paws either side of my face and stared into my eyes, 'is ours.'

-o0o-

Everything was hustle and bustle the next morning as the kittens rushed around the room putting things into their trunks. The air was full of 'Have you seen my other shoe?' and 'Is this yours or mine?'.

At one point Parvenue fished a rather flimsy item out from under one of the chest of drawers and said 'I wondered where I'd lost these.'

Fluffy asked, in a voice that sounded a bit like McGon-yowl, 'How many possible places were there, Miss Petal?', and they all started giggling and screeching.

They departed just on time for Purrky – was it? - to bring me breakfast.

'The last one of the year' I said, trying to be cheerful.

'I'll miss it,' she said. 'It's the only thing I have to keep me occupied of a morning. Still, only two months and I can go back to 18 hours days.' I'd always thought that House Elves were meant to be timid little things.

Anyway, she had been good to me, and I thought I should maybe get her a little something, as a present. I didn't have any voles left, so what?

A ha! I don't have to search for inspiration; it just seems to come naturally to me. They never seemed to wear much, so maybe she'd like some clothes? I jumped into Rosemary's trunk, which fortunately she'd left open, and found a pair of socks. They were clean ones.

Just giving them to her didn't seem right so I decided to hide them under a bit of old parchment left laying in the corner. It would be such a surprise for her! It was a pity I wouldn't be there to see the look on her face when she found them but, still, she could thank me next time I saw her.

That'd be next year, two months...when I could see Norris again. Yes, it did sound an awfully long time.

Anyway, better get this breakfast eaten before it gets cold. I was just tucking in to the sausages when...

'Crookshanks! What are you...are you...?

I spun round to see Fluffy holding a dish of bacon. I looked back at the sausages and tried to appear surprised.

'Gosh! Where did they come from?' I said, as I tried to discreetly push them out of sight under the bed.

Fluffy picked me up. 'Have you been having TWO breakfasts ALL year?' I tried to look innocent. It normally works. 'No wonder you're getting chubby.' Pardon? 'When we get home you're going on a diet.'

'D...d...d...di...?' I suddenly felt very faint. Summer time, and the living will not be easy. I hoped she had a garden well supplied with voles.

-o0o-

Then everything was packed and Fluffy got my cage down from the top of her wardrobe. I think that's what purrsuaded me Norris was right, and I really was leaving. I just walked in to it when she put it on the floor, and lay down.

Far too soon, for my liking, we were all downstairs and I was being loaded onto a carriage. Looking back up to the school I could see a very small, sad, face in one of the uppurr windows. She half raised a paw, and then was gone. I was so tempted to break out, but it would have just caused a scene and we were on the move.

We were joined on the train, inevitably, by Honestlyronald and Hairy who proceeded to play lots of games of exploding snap – probably on the basis they knew I hated it.

Then Honestlyronald proved what a complete idiot he is. We were half way through the afternoon, just at the point where the journey has gone beyond tedious, when an owl turned up.

Well, I say owl. I've brought up bigger furballs.

The good thing was it had brought a letter from Siri, who confirmed what the old man had said. He and Gordon had got away and were hiding from the Dementeds. He seemed quite cheerful, which was good. He finished the letter by saying Ohron could have the owl.

Honestlyronald held it out to me. 'Well, what do you reckon?'

I took a long sniff. It smelled a bit insecty but...' Yes, if you roast it with a chestnut stuffing it should keep me going until dinner.'

I'm still waiting for it. Stupid boy.

-o0o-

As we got closer to London, and I started to fall into a stupor, Fluffy tried to cheer me up by telling all about mumandad, who would be waiting for us at King's Cross. I had no idea who he was, and not much interest in finding out, to be honest.

Then she told me how we'd be able to sit in the garden, and I could chase things and she'd throw a ball for me.

Whoopee.

Two months. Two months without Norris.

I remembered a song my old servant use to sing. It never made any sense to me at the time, but now the real meaning became clear.

_It doesn't matter whether skies are grey or blue_

_It's raining in my heart 'cause I can't be with you_

_I'm only living for the day you're home to stay_

_So it might as well rain until September_

_September, September, oh_

_It might as well rain until September_

_Fin_

_?_

* * *

AN:_"It might as well rain until September" _lyrics by Gerry Goffin and Carole King.

Thank you to everybody who has read, reviewed alerted and favourited my squiggles.

Thank you, once again, to Euclidian for keeping me on track.


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